Sam's Problem
by B'Danya
Summary: Sam's got a problem that's affecting her work. Can SG1 help her? Rating has gone up due to angst and bad language.
1. Sam's Collapse

A/N: Sorry this is a bit of a sketchy chapter. It was written in an hour. If I gave any more details I would give away the plot for the next chapter! Virtual cookies for anyone who can guess what's wrong with Sam! BTW, I own nothing!

"I'm sorry to give you such bad news, Major. Is there anyone I should contact regarding this?" the doctor asked.

Samantha shook her head. "No, there's no one you should contact. I'll… I'll take care of that," she replied, holding her head. That blasted headache was still there, and it hadn't gone away. "Well, thanks for telling me. Better the devil you know, right?" she said half-heartedly. Without another word she left the office.

---

She showed up at the SGC three hours late for her shift. "Carter, where the hell have you been?" Jack asked her as she stepped off the elevator.

She tried to speak, but couldn't seem to get the words to form. Frustrated at both herself and her CO she walked off towards General Hammond's office. Entering without knocking, she tossed a letter on his desk and sat in the chair across the desk from him.

"What's this, Major?" Hammond asked, picking up the envelope curiously.

She sighed. "You would know if you'd read the damn thing! I shouldn't have to tell you everything," she snapped. Almost immediately, she covered her mouth. "Sorry sir," she mumbled apologetically as Hammond read the letter.

He reread it several times to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. "Your resignation? This is a bit sudden, Sam. What's wrong?" he asked, sitting back in his chair.

"I just want out. There doesn't have to be a reason for everything!" she fumed, angry at the world and taking it out on the General.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Major. I can't accept this. Not without a damn good reason."

"Sir, I am hereby requesting personal leave," she said assuredly. "I'm… I'm stressed, and need some time off to deal with it," she told him. There would be no way that he could deny that SG-1 was under constant stress.

He thought for a moment, and nodded. "Of course. Indefinite personal leave, _after_ you finish this mission; we need all of SG-1 for this one. Unless this stress will affect your performance?" he asked.

She tried to tell him that she couldn't do it, that it wouldn't be safe, but the words just wouldn't come out. They both turned at the sound of a knock at the door. Sorry to interrupt, sir, but we need Carter," O'Neill reminded them.

Of course, Colonel. She'll meet you in the Gate Room as soon as she's in uniform, he told Jack calmly, gesturing to Sam to leave the room.

They walked together through the hall towards the locker room. So, Carter, care to explain what all that was about when you came in?" he asked casually.

"No," she replied. Noticing that they had reached the locker room, she quickly ducked inside. Once the door swung shut, she sat heavily on one of the benches. _'How the hell did this happen to me? Haven't I dealt with enough shit in my life to escape this?'_ she thought to herself. Sighing, she decided not to delay the inevitable and quickly got into uniform. She kept thinking that this was just a diplomatic mission and that she would be able to handle it as she walked to the Gate Room. When she entered, the rest of SG-1 was waiting for her. O'Neill said nothing to her, simply raised an eyebrow. "Sorry," she mumbled, keeping her head down. It was at that moment that her hands began shaking.

O'Neill and Daniel were looking away, but Teal'c noticed. Raising an eyebrow, he looked at her with concern. She willed her hands to stop and, miraculously, they did. She looked back at him, as if to say 'Don't say anything'. He nodded briefly, but continued to look concerned.

Lost in her own thoughts, she barely noticed going through the Gate. In fact, she didn't remember it dialling at all, just stepping through. _'Not now, brain, not now!_' she demanded, hoping it would work as well as it had with her hands. It was only a short walk until they got to their destination, a city with a Grecian look to it. Sam hadn't been there the day that they had visited the first time, but it had turned out to be a peaceful culture that wanted to celebrate their new-found friends; they had no history of travellers through the 'stone circle' as they called it.

The only condition was that Sam had to attend. They had recently elected a the first woman to sit on council, and the council wanted to make a point to the population that other cultures allowed women the same privileges as men. The greetings passed as a blur to her, and soon there was music, food, and dancing in celebration of some treaty Daniel had managed to arrange. Offered what looked to be grapes, same smiled and accepted, standing in a corner trying to deal with her headache. She was aware that Teal'c was standing a few feet away; he hadn't moved far from her the whole time that they were there. It was obvious by the way he was watching her that he was concerned, but had not told the team of the tremors she had experienced earlier. She was about to eat one of the grape-like fruits and noticed her vision blackening. _'Not now!'_ she cried to herself before she slumped to the floor.

"Colonel O'Neill!" Teal'c shouted across the room above the music, running to Sam's side. He heard and ran over, dragging Daniel with him. "I am unsure what is wrong, she collapsed suddenly," Teal'c explained, picking her up. "Her hands were shaking before we embarked on this mission," he added. He knew that she would understand breaking their unspoken agreement.

"We've got to get her back to Earth," O'Neill stated simply.


	2. Secrets Revealed

A/N: Wow, I actually had three people who guessed right! I'm not going to say who they are, it would ruin the chapter, but they have been sent virtual cookies via PM. By the way, I did a little bit of research regarding the medication and the hospital, but I don't know much about it. Sorry if my info's wrong!

Janet Frasier sighed in frustration. "How do you expect me to be able to run any tests with you three in my way?" she asked of the male members of SG-1. They had been standing around Sam's bed for hours, keeping watch on her as she drifted in and out of consciousness.

Daniel was holding Sam's hand. "Do you have any idea what is wrong with her?" he asked, concerned. Dr. Frasier had run numerous tests on her, all of them being rushed through the lab.

"Honestly, I haven't found anything yet. There are a few more tests I'd like to run, but I don't have the equipment here. I'm filling out the papers to have her transferred to a civilian hospital with an MRI machine," she replied, concerned. "I'd like to know if anyone has noticed anything unusual regarding her," she stated.

"Her hands were shaking before we embarked on the mission, but it only lasted a moment," Teal'c informed her.

Jack looked away for a moment. "She ignored me this morning. I was just guessing it was, you know, that time of the month," he told Janet, looking uncomfortable. "I didn't think that it was anything serious," he added.

Daniel thought for a moment, but couldn't pin down anything specific. "She's been tired recently, but she's been swamped with work," he noted cautiously. "Oh! She's always getting these headaches, and Tylenol doesn't seem to work on them. She's taken a couple days off in the last month because of them" he added as an afterthought.

Sam stirred and opened her eyes. "Where am I?" she asked quietly, looking around. Noticing she was in the infirmary she sat straight up. "Shit! What happened?" she asked.

Janet looked at her with concern, knowing that Sam didn't usually swear. "You collapsed off-world. Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" she asked. Sam shook her head. "Have you been experiencing any other symptoms, anything unusual?" she continued.

"Just, please, leave me alone. It's just stress," Sam replied, laying back. "I'm going on personal leave, it's been cleared with General Hammond," she added. "I just need some time." Sam closed her eyes and sighed. _'Time… the one thing that I don't have much of. There's so much I haven't done yet,'_ she thought to herself. "When am I being discharged?"

"Not until you've been cleared medically. I'd like you to have an MRI; you're going to be transferred to a civilian facility where I have privileges," Janet informed her. "I'm just waiting on the paperwork." At that moment a nurse came by with a clipboard. "Ah! There we go! Everything is in order. There's an ambulance on it's way to take us to Memorial Hospital," she informed Sam.

Sam blanched. "Really, that won't be necessary. It's nothing, I swear!" she cried. Her emotional response caused everyone to eye her strangely.

"Sam, it's going to be okay. If there's nothing wrong, there's nothing to be worried about, right?" Daniel asked encouragingly. "It's just procedure."

Janet nodded. "As soon as you're cleared I'll drive you home myself. I just want to be sure that you're okay," she told her. The two had become friends during their time at the SGC. Looking at the rest of SG-1, she pointed to the door. "If you're going to follow us, you need to get out of your uniforms," she reminded them. We're going to head up now, it will take longer to get the stretcher up and loaded into the ambulance."

Sam rubbed her forehead, trying futilely to make the pain go away. _'Why do they have to be so damned nosy? Why can't they just leave me in peace?'_ she fumed inwardly. The ride to the hospital was quiet. Janet tried several times to start a conversation, but Sam ignored her. Once they got to the hospital, Sam was wheeled into Admitting. Out of the corner of her eye she saw someone familiar and paled.

"Sam, what's wrong?" Janet asked, looking in the same direction as her friend. "What do you see?"

The familiar person came up with a concerned look. "Ms. Carter, what are you doing on that gurney?" he asked. At Janet's confused look, he extended his hand. "I'm Dr. Jones," he greeted.

"Dr. Frasier, USAF. How do you know my patient?" she asked. Sam tried her best to sink into the gurney and disappear, but knew that the inevitable moment had come.

He looked at Janet, puzzled. "Your patient? With all due respect, Samantha is _my_ patient. I didn't realize she was seeking medical care at work" He looked at Sam, shocked. "You didn't tell me that I was a second opinion! If Dr. Frasier has any tests that I could see, it might be helpful for me to look at them," he offered, knowing that Sam would need to give consent. Sam shook her head and tried to say something, but yet again, she couldn't seem to form the words. All that came out was a strangled groan.

"You are seeing her in regards to what? She collapsed at work today, which is why she is my patient," Janet explained.

Dr. Jones furrowed his brow. "Forgive me, I didn't mention it before. My specialties are neurosurgery and oncology," he replied. "Samantha, did you not mention this to your superiors? I told you that you should," he added.

SG-1 chose that moment to arrive. Noticing the tense situation, they hung back from the scene but stayed close enough to hear. "I got leave, I just needed to finish today," Sam explained. "I didn't think…" At that moment her eyes rolled back and her body erupted in a series of jerking motions.

"She's seizing! Janet yelled, which brought nurses immediately.

"Hold her head. Nurse, get the Phenobarbital!" Dr. Jones shouted. "Damn it, someone hold her arms down!" he yelled as the nurse arrived with a needle. None of the nurses seemed to be able to keep her arms down. Jack and Teal'c dashed over and helped to do so as Dr. Jones gave Sam the medication. In a few moments the seizure stopped. "Get her upstairs," Dr. Jones told one of the nurses who quickly began wheeling the gurney upstairs. Teal'c and jack released her arms.

"What the hell just happened?" Jack asked, ready to grab Dr. Jones by the collar if he didn't answer.

Dr. Jones looked at Janet, who nodded. "She just had a seizure, which is fairly common for someone in her condition," he explained.

Jack tapped his foot impatiently. "What condition is that, exactly?"

"I'm sorry; I can't release that information to you without the permission of the patient. Feel free to ask her, but I can't break doctor-patient confidentiality," he replied.

Janet cleared her throat. "What about me? I am her primary physician, so would we be able to discuss this? I'd like to know what signs I missed," Janet stated simply. She was ashamed that she had missed something serious, and had no idea how she could have made such an oversight.

Dr. Jones smiled. "Of course we can, Dr. Frasier. If you bring your chart, I'll bring mine," he suggested. As they began to head to his office, he stopped. "The nursing station should be able to tell you three which room she's in," he called out the three men.

Daniel sighed. "I haven't felt that useless in a long time," he muttered, looking at Jack and Teal'c shamefully. "I should have helped, I'm sorry," he told them, looking at his shoes.

"Daniel Jackson, I do not believe that you would have been of any assistance. I found that Major Carter was difficult to hold down; you would not have been able to do so," Teal'c told him. If it had been anyone else Daniel would have been offended, but coming from Teal'c it was different. In a way, Teal'c was admitting that he'd had trouble holding her down, which was really saying something.

"Well, campers, let's go find where they've stashed Carter," Jack told the others, heading to the nursing station.

_Meanwhile, in Dr. Jones' office…_

Janet flopped the file down on the desk. "How did I _miss_ this?" she asked out loud. _'I can diagnose anything that the universe throws my way, but I miss a brain tumour?'_ she wondered incredulously, staring at the words 'Glioblastoma Multiforme' that seemed to be taunting her from their place on Sam's chart. "I don't suppose it's operable?" she asked hopefully.

The look on Dr. Jones' face said it all. "The placement makes that impossible. There's too much of a risk of permanent brain damage. There are a few clinical trials that I'm going to try and get her to consider, but I still need to talk to her about it," he informed Janet.

She sighed. "Thank you for discussing this with me. Do you mind if I go talk to Sam for a while on my own?" she asked. Dr. Jones nodded and Janet headed up to Sam's room. When she got there she closed the door and crossed the room to Sam's bed. "You hid _cancer_ from me?" she hissed angrily, ignorant of the rest of SG-1.

Sam glared at her. "So much for doctor-patient confidentiality! I hadn't told the guys. I didn't want you, or anyone else, to know because there's nothing anyone can do about it!" Sam shouted, beginning to cry.

"Umm, hello? We're here too, you know," Daniel called from a chair, feeling decidedly awkward. "Sam, you have cancer? You could have told us," he told her, coming over and embracing his crying friend.

Sam stiffened and pulled away. "I don't want your pity! Yes, Daniel, I have cancer: an inoperable tumour in my frontal lobe, which is very likely to spread. There's a 5 chance that I'll be alive five years from now," she told him, straight-faced. "I'm dying, and I didn't want anyone to treat me like I'm dying," she explained angrily.

Janet nodded. "That's a common sentiment. I understand what you've done, even if it hurts that you couldn't trust me," she told Sam. "But just because it's inoperable doesn't mean that it's untreatable. There's chemotherapy, radiation… Dr. Jones said that there's a few clinical trials he thinks might suit you," Janet explained.

"No. No trials, no chemo, no radiation," she stated simply.

"Carter, come on! You're too smart to be that stupid!" Jack exclaimed, rising from his chair. "If there's some sort of treatment, you should take it," he urged her.

Carter sighed and lowered her head. "No, sir. I'm not going to get treatment and you can't change my mind. There's no point; the chances of recurrence are too high even with treatment. I'll be signing out against medical advice and beginning indefinite personal leave. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone right now," she told them. Unsure what else they could do, the four people left the room.


	3. Jack's Offer

A/N: I decided to do this one because I've never seen any stories regarding Sam having cancer. You'd figure since Jacob had it that Sam would be at risk of getting it too. By the way, I'm glad that everyone wants such frequent updates and that so many people are reading this, but I've got to warn you: I'm a single mom and a full-time college student. I don't always have time to write. I'll write as often as possible, but if it's not possible I apologize.

Bang. Bang. Bang. "Carter, open the damn door!" Jack shouted. He had been standing on her doorstep for ten minutes, knocking. "Carter, get your butt down here and let me in. I'm freezing!" It had been two weeks since she had signed herself out of the hospital. Janet had made a couple of house calls, but no one else had seen her.

Inside the house he heard muffled thumps. Not thinking twice, he shoulder-checked the door a few times until it swung open. Sam was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, looking dazed. "Sir? Did you have to break my door open?"

Jack knelt down next to her. "I heard some noises and thought you fell. Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "I only fell down the last few stairs… I lose my balance sometimes. Side effect of the tumour," she reminded him. "But did you have to break the door? There's a spare key under the mat!"

He looked at her, bewildered. "Are you serious? I froze my butt off for ten minutes while I stood on the key?" he laughed. "I brought you a goody bag from Janet," he told her, holding up a white paper bag.

Sam got up and brushed herself off. She took the bag from Jack and looked inside. "Oh boy, just what I needed," she said wryly. Moving into the kitchen, she upended the bag; several containers of pills came out. "Let's see… anti-nauseants, anticonvulsants, antidepressants, and painkillers. What fun!" she joked sarcastically, grabbing a pen and paper to write the names and dosages down.

"Y'know, it might be easier to just go for the treatment than treat the symptoms," Jack offered. Sam ignored him as she put the bottles back in the bag. "We miss you at the SGC," he continued, getting frustrated when she still didn't answer. He waved his hand in front of her face. "Hello… you in there?"

He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her slightly. "Huh?" she asked, looking around. "Sorry sir, I guess I got lost there for a minute," she admitted sheepishly. "Janet was hoping the new medication would help, thus the delivery," she added.

Jack gazed at her for a minute, wondering what would possess her to be so stubborn that she would refuse to get treatment. "So, need any help around here? I've got paperwork to avoid," he added with a grin.

Sam rubbed her forehead. "I don't know… what do I have to do?" she mumbled to herself, heading towards the fridge. It was as if she was a ghost of herself; things that would have been simple for her to remember had become such difficult tasks.

For the first time Jack noticed that magnets attached lists to most of the appliance's surface. "For crying out loud, Carter, what is all this?" he asked, drawing nearer. Things like bills, groceries, housework, medications, and doctors all had their lists posted with cheerful magnets.

"It's easier than trying to remember everything," she told him, rifling through the lists.

"Well, you can't drive because your little spasms," he began (he refused to call them seizures, it seemed too depressing) "so I'll drive you over to the grocery store so you can do some shopping," he offered. He grabbed the list from the fridge and decided to give it a once-over. The last item, al'kesh, made him freeze. "Carter, you got your coat on yet?" he called.

"Yeah, just tying my shoes," she replied. "Something wrong?" She had apparently finished and came back to the kitchen. "What's going on, sir?" she asked, noticing the bewildered expression on his face.

"The last thing here… do you really expect to get an al'kesh at the grocery store?" he asked. "I think you're going to have to rethink the staying at home thing. What if someone else had seen this?" he asked. "We'll worry about groceries later. We've got to go have a talk with the General," he told her, taking her by the elbow and leading her to his truck.

For several minutes Sam glared out the front window. "This is ridiculous, sir. I mean, it's one mistake! Aren't people allowed to make mistakes?" she asked angrily.

"Yup. So long as those mistakes aren't a national security threat," he replied. "Look, I'd tell the General myself but I'm trying to treat you the way I'd always treat you. It's your mistake, and I know that you'd own up to it under any other circumstances." When Sam looked at him in shock he added, "You're the one that didn't want to be treated like you were dying, right?" It hurt him to be so blunt, but in this case he felt that honesty was probably the best policy.

"I… thank you, sir. That means a lot to…" she trailed off, and Jack looked over to see her struggling to get her voice working. He began slowing down, but she shook her head and gave him a thumb's up. "That means a lot to me," she finished after a few moments. "Sorry, my words don't always want to come out," she told him apologetically.

Before Jack could say anything they had reached the checkpoint leading into Cheyenne Mountain. Jack rolled down the window and an Airman greeted them. "Hi Sir, Ma'am, it's good to see the both of you. Honestly, the scuttlebutt around here led us to think that…"

Jack slapped a hand over the man's mouth. "No more gossip. Just sign us in and let all your buddies know that if I hear any more of it, I will deal with it… personally," he warned with a glare.

Sam looked at him, stunned, as they drove into the parking lot. "What rumours? What have people been saying?" she asked.

Jack sighed. "Well, let's just say that rumours of your demise have been greatly exaggerated. Anyhow, we need to go talk to the General," he told her.

Sam sighed. "Yes, sir," she said resignedly as they entered the elevator. She shifted on her feet a little as the silence became awkward. "Look, sir, for what it's worth I didn't like hiding this from you," she offered quietly.

Jack stared at her in disbelief. "Carter, the civilian part of me wants to applaud your bravery at facing certain death – I don't know if I could do it as well as you did! But the military part of me wants to stick you in the brig for your reckless endangerment of SG-1's lives… you could have gotten us all killed, Carter. Did that occur to you?" he asked, angrily. He had wanted to ask her that since he had found out about the cancer, but had tried to be nice. _'Is that part of what she meant by not treating her like she was dying?'_ he wondered, realizing that he had censored himself a lot around her, trying to spare her feelings. He looked over at her and noticed her eyes welling up with tears. "No… don't cry, Carter! I didn't mean to…" he said, trailing off.

The elevator finally decided to stop and Sam dried her eyes as the doors opened. "Sorry, sir. I'll try not to do that again," she assured him as they stepped out of the elevator and headed towards General Hammond's office. Jack wasn't sure if she was talking about hiding an illness or crying; frankly, he didn't want to ask.

As they approached the office, General Hammond stepped out. "Sam! I didn't expect to see you here. Is there something I can help you with?" he asked kindly.

She looked as though she would run away so Jack put a hand on her shoulder. "Carter needs to talk to you about something. Can we do this in your office?" Jack asked on her behalf. The General wordlessly opened the door and gestured them inside.

When they sat down, General Hammond looked at her expectantly. "So, Major, what can I help you with?" he asked gently. Unsure of what to say, she simply handed him the grocery list. He seemed confused for a minute until he read the whole thing. "I see. This is serious, Sam," he admitted with a sigh. "I realize that this is the last thing you want to hear, and I wish that things could be different, but regulations state that you can't be allowed to divulge this kind of information," he told her slowly, trying to think of what could be done.

"I'll be sent to the brig, won't I?" she asked, focussed intently on her shoelaces. She knew what the regulations were, and what the repercussions would be.

"Did anyone outside of the SGC see it?" he asked. If the answer was yes, it was clear what the answer to Sam's question would be.

"No sir, just me," Jack answered quickly. "Which means no brig, right?" he asked expectantly.

"No brig. But… Sam, you realize that I can't take the chance that this will happen again. I'm afraid I can't allow you to be living on your own. If you like, you can use your quarters here on base," he offered.

Sam bit her lip. _'Yeah right, like I want to die in a classified military base under a mountain,'_ she thought to herself. But she understood that she couldn't live alone; she couldn't call her brother either, seeing as he didn't have clearance. "No, I don't like the idea, sir," she snapped angrily, getting up from her chair. "But I don't have a choice in the matter. It's here or the brig, right?" she added with venom in her voice. _'I'm going to live out the rest of my days without another breath of fresh air,'_ she thought to herself sadly. She headed towards the door.

"Carter, sit down," Jack ordered, seeing her hand on the doorknob. Sam slowly came back to her chair. "She can't live alone, right?" he asked General Hammond, looking him in the eyes. "What if she didn't? Couldn't she live with someone who has clearance?"

Hammond sat silently for a minute, thinking it through. "That should be acceptable, if we can find a suitable… roommate," he responded.

"Who would be crazy enough to do that?" she asked sullenly. She knew very well that her condition was going to spiral downwards quickly. No one in their right mind would want to live with a dying woman!

"Honestly, Carter, do you think I would suggest it if I wasn't willing to do it myself?" he asked.

She stared at him with wide eyes. "You're my CO, I don't think the Air Force would be too happy about… cohabitation," she told him.

"What, that I'm stopping a subordinate from becoming a security threat? God, Carter, it's not like we'll be in the same bedroom! I have a guest room, and it's yours if you want it. If not, you're staying here," he told her firmly. "It's your choice."

Sam sat quietly for a minute, thinking it through. _'Either be confined, or be a burden to the Colonel… great choices,'_ she mused. But she knew Jack well enough to know that she would be a burden to him either way, and the idea of being able to walk outside was a bonus. "I guess I'll take you up on your offer, Sir," she said quietly.

There was a knock on the door and Daniel poked his head in. "Hey! I heard that Sam was here and wanted to see her; Teal'c's here too," he said quickly. "Oh… was I interrupting something?" he asked, looking around.

"No, I think we're done, Dr. Jackson. Sam, if you need anything, just let me know," General Hammond told her. "Oh, and Jack: I'm taking SG-1 off of active duty for the time being," he stated simply.

"Yes, sir," Jack replied. "C'mon, Carter. We've got to get you packed," he told her.

As they left the room, Daniel looked at them curiously. "Packed? Where are you going, Sam?" he asked.

"I'm going to be staying with the Colonel for the time being. Long story," she added, noticing Teal'c's raised eyebrow. "But I've got some things I have to take care of here first. I was supposed to see Janet this afternoon, so I should do that before I leave."

"Okay. I'll go with you," Jack told her. Noticing that Daniel and Teal'c were following he amended his last statement. "Make that we'll go with you."

When they got to the infirmary Sam froze._ 'I've spent way too much time around doctors,'_ she thought to herself. _'Oh well, it won't be too much longer until I won't have to do it again.'_ With a sigh, she walked in. "Hey, Janet," she greeted.

"Sam! I wasn't expecting you until three o'clock! Is everything alright?" she asked, coming over to the group.

"Well, not entirely, but nothing immediately serious. We should probably talk in your office," Sam told her. As they moved towards her office, Janet noticed that the others were following. "We'll be out in a couple of minutes," she told them pointedly, ushering Sam into her office.

A couple of minutes later, Janet came back out. "Colonel, can you please join us?" she asked. With a shrug, Jack headed into the office. "I've been told about the change of living arrangements. Sam and I have discussed this, and she wants you to be placed as Power of Attorney in terms of medical issues, if you're willing," she told him.

"It's just in case you need to take me to the hospital, Sir. That way they can tell you what's going on. But it also means that when I lose the capability to make decisions, you would be responsible for doing that. I realize I'm asking a lot, but…"

Jack shook his head. "It's not a problem. Just show me where to sign, and give me a pen," he replied.

Soon all of the paperwork was signed, and Janet smiled. "Now that that's out of the way, there were a few things that I was looking into for treatment. You know that the Tok'ra can cure can cancer, maybe we could contact them?" she asked.

"No symbiote." The look on Sam's face was resolute. After what she had been through with Jolinar, there was no way that she was being a host again.

"I understand. What about the Asgard? They have advanced medical technology; it's possible that they would have a cure for this. We could contact Thor and ask him," Janet offered.

"No! No treatment, period! I'm sick of all of this! Do you think I'm so stupid that these options hadn't occurred to me?" Sam snapped.

"Carter! Janet's only trying to help! There's no reason to yell at her," he admonished, looking at the stunned expression on the doctor's face.

"It's alright, sir. Mood swings are common in situations like this," Janet replied. "Sam, one more thing: do you want to contact your father? I'm sure he'd like to know what's going on," she reminded her.

Sam shook her head. "If we're done, I'd like to get some things from my quarters before I go," she told them simply. When Janet nodded, Sam left the office.

"Colonel, you need to know what to expect," she told him bluntly. "She's going to be uncoordinated, she might fall a lot. She will loose her intellect; eventually even basic things will be difficult for her. There will be fits: seizures, tremors, and so forth; the anticonvulsants that she's on should help control them, but they will eventually be ineffective as the tumour spreads. She will go through personality changes: mood swings, swearing, and a loss of inhibitions are all common. I hope you realize what you've gotten yourself into, Colonel," she told him simply.

She did something on her computer, and her printer began firing out pages. "I'm giving you all of the information on her medications and their dosage schedules, what medications she can and cannot take, things that haven't reacted well with her since being a host, a list of symptoms, the names and phone numbers of all her doctors, a list of appointments she has, a list of common symptoms, as well as a list of symptoms that would require immediate medical attention," she told him. When the printer was done there was a stack of about twenty pages. "You should probably get a binder for this," she added humourlessly as she handed the stack to him.

"Thanks, Janet. I'll keep you updated," he assured her and left the room. He met up with the rest of his team as he neared Sam's quarters.

They were heading towards the elevator, Teal'c carrying a small box. "We will be assisting Major Carter in relocating to your home, O'Neill," he informed Jack.

"Great! Like they say, the more the merrier!" Jack replied.

"I think 'many hands make light work' would be better in this situation," Daniel offered.

"Whichever, Daniel. In any case, I'll order pizza when we're at my place," he offered. "Sam? You okay with pizza?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure," she replied, sounding miles away. She had a lot more on her mind than anyone realized.


	4. Daniel's Visit

A/N: Memory sequences will be italicized with "///" at the beginning and end of them. I'm going to try to update this more often, but I've got two exams this week so don't expect too much until around Christmas/New Years.

It had been three weeks since Sam had moved in with Jack. There had been a few minor glitches, but most things had worked themselves out. On that particular day, Jack had been due for his yearly physical, so Daniel was alone in the house with her. "You don't have to babysit me, Daniel. I'm a big girl, and I _am_ still capable of being alone for a couple of hours," she told him as she washed the breakfast dishes.

"I'm not babysitting, I'm spending time with a friend," he corrected. "Sam, I was wondering why you wouldn't let any of us come over after you released yourself from the hospital?" he asked. It had been bothering him for a while.

Sam sighed as she put the sponge down. "I just wanted to be alone for a while; it's a lot to take in, you know? Besides, I knew that you guys wouldn't know how to act around me. I wanted to spare you the discomfort of dealing with a cancer patient," she told him quietly.

Impulsively taking her hand, he replied, "I would rather have had the discomfort being around you than the discomfort of wondering if I'd ever see you again." He didn't bother to lie and say that he would have been comfortable: she would have seen right through it.

She dropped his hand, looking away. She hadn't thought of it that way, but didn't she have the right to feel a little selfish? She had done so much for everyone, even saved the planet a few times… she shouldn't have to feel guilty for wanting time alone. "I'm sure it was hard on you, but I needed the time to think." After putting the dishes away, she went to the living room and sat down, Daniel close behind. "She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the couch. "Let's go, Daniel, out with it," she stated simply.

"Out with what?" he asked, confused at the sudden statement.

She opened her eyes and looked over at him. "That's not the only question you wanted to ask. You _never_ have only one question. That's what makes you who you are," she pointed out.

Deciding to get the big one out of the way, he blurted out, "Why don't you want treatment?" He regretted his words as he saw a haunted look pass through her eyes. "I mean, if you don't want to answer that's okay, but…" he trailed off, watching her reaction.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to relieve the headache that had plagued her for months. "Well, I'm sure that the Asgard have something that would put me in remission, and I'm sure that being a host for eternity to a Tok'ra would probably cure me, but I'll either lose myself or just buy time. Same thing with treatments here: they don't really cure you, just buy time," she told him. "They didn't work before, they're not likely to work now," she mumbled.

"What do you mean, before?" Daniel asked concernedly.

It was only when Daniel responded that Sam realized that she had said the last part out loud. There was no avoiding the conversation at this point: it was either talk to Daniel or he would tell Jack or Teal'c, both of whom had their ways of making her talk without actually doing anything. She sighed. "This isn't the first time I've been a cancer patient, Daniel. Well, I guess technically it is because once a cancer patient always a cancer patient, but this is the… fifth time? Yeah, that sounds right: the fifth time that I've had a tumour, all of them in my brain. Treatment didn't work the first four times, and I'm not going through it again," she told him. "And I don't care if you tell the Colonel," she added, knowing that it was not the kind of thing that Daniel would be able to keep quiet about.

Daniel was silent for a few minutes. "You never told anyone before. Not me, or Jack, or Janet… does Jacob know?"

He was surprised to hear her laugh. It wasn't a humorous laugh, it had an almost hysterical edge to it. "Of course he knows! Christ, Daniel, this started when I was five! The last time I had a treatment, he didn't even try to take leave. His _job_ was more important than his own daughter, apparently," she told him bitterly, several tears streaming down her cheeks. "You know what, though? I had almost started thinking that I had beaten it! I mean, I've been in remission over ten years. I thought it was _gone_, that I wouldn't need to worry about it again, but then the headaches started up and I wasn't myself, and I can't do it again! Not the chemo, the radiation, the puking, the needles, none of it!" She was almost shouting by this point, not even realizing that she had begun rambling. Daniel didn't know what to say, so instead he hugged her. It seemed to be what she needed, and she began sobbing outright. "What did I do to deserve this?" she wailed.

She wasn't acting like herself, Daniel knew, but said nothing. Instead, he sat there and let her cry, arms wrapped tight around her. After about twenty minutes of crying, she stopped. "You okay, Sam?" he asked. He was worried when she didn't answer, but became relieved when he heard her snore slightly.

When Jack came back, he found them like that on the couch. "She sleeping?" he asked quietly. At Daniel's slight nod, he smiled. "Good. She hasn't been sleeping very well. Last night she wandered around looking for her motorcycle keys for two hours," he said, rubbing his eyes. "I'll get her to bed, but you'll need to pull down the sheets," he instructed the younger man, easily lifting Sam into his arms and carrying her towards the guest room.

When they had her tucked in bed, she stirred slightly. "Sir?" she asked, confused and sleepy.

"Yeah, it's me. Back to sleep, Carter, and that's an order," he told her quietly, rubbing her shoulder.

"Yes sir," she mumbled as she rolled over and closed her eyes again. He watched her for a minute until her soft snores could be heard, indicating that she was sleeping again.

He closed the door and headed quietly back to the living room where Daniel was again sitting on the couch. "Want a beer?" he asked, heading to the fridge and grabbing two, not waiting for Daniel's response. Setting one down in front of his friend, Jack sat down across from him. "So who did you deal with today?" he asked, watching with concern as Daniel chugged back half the beer.

"I don't think I understand your question," Daniel replied.

"Well, there's 'Confused Carter', 'Emotional Carter', 'Angry Carter', and the list goes on. She has her good days, and she has her bad days. What was it today?" he asked. For a man used to seeing death, this was the hardest thing he had done. It was usually an explosion, a gunshot, a crash… never something this slow and deliberate. It was taking its toll on him, and it showed in his face. The words were callous, he knew, but it was a coping mechanism to deal with the sadness and frustration of watching someone he cared for slowly let herself waste away.

Daniel understood more by facial expression than by words what Jack meant. Words were his arena, not Jack's. "She opened up to me, Jack. She told me that this isn't the first time she's had a tumour. I think she's scared that no matter what she does, this will keep happening to her," he said. "But I guess I'd have to call her 'Emotional Carter' in keeping with your method: she cried herself to sleep in my arms, which is not like Sam at all," he added.

"Wonderful… I'd rather deal with Angry Carter. Don't know why, but it's less disturbing when she takes a swing at me than when she's crying," he said with a shrug. He hadn't commented on the part about her having had cancer before, but he was processing the information. It was something he'd be sure to ask her about later, when she was in a more normal mood. A sudden crash from down the hall made him run towards her room. "Carter?" he asked as he opened the door.

"Where am I?" she asked in a confused voice, peering up from over the edge of the bed. She had woken up tangled in the sheets, and had fallen to the floor as she succeeded in freeing herself.

"You're on the floor of my guest room, Carter. Need a hand up?" he asked.

"And you are…?" she asked, even more confused. The last thing she remembered was walking to a meeting at the newly-formed SGC. _'Wait…something's not right here. I should know him!'_ she thought to herself. _'Why can't I remember, and why does he know who I am?'_

Jack shook his head. "Carter, this isn't funny. Usually, I _like_ jokes but this one just isn't funny," he admonished, starting to get worried.

"It's not a joke! And where's my uniform?" she asked, looking down at herself. She recognized the tracksuit she was wearing; it was usually reserved for days that she wasn't feeling well. _'Why would I be wearing this?'_ she thought to herself, noticing that she had a headache. Suddenly, she clutched her head, everything flooding back to her. "Damn it!" she yelled in pain, memories hitting her with the force of a brick wall. She sat there, breathing deeply, as the sensation passed. Looking up, she noticed Jack looking at her expectantly. "Sorry, sir. I had a dream and… I guess I kind of got lost in it," she offered.

He nodded and moved to the side of the bed she was currently sitting beside. "Let me help you up," he offered, extending his arm towards her. She reached for it and he helped pull her up, holding her shoulder to steady her as she wobbled. "You okay now?" he asked. She nodded and noticed Daniel standing in the doorway. "When did I fall asleep?" she asked him.

He looked down at his watch. "Almost an hour ago. Jack carried you to bed when he came home," he told her. He became aware of an uncomfortable look on Sam's face. "You okay?" he asked, not sure what the look was for.

Jack had also noticed and quickly started moving her towards the bathroom. "Here you go," he told her, lifting the seat before she expelled the contents of her stomach. "Anti-nauseants not working?" he asked as he rubbed her back.

She shook her head, heaving again. Daniel stood at the doorway, not certain what he should do, but impressed with the amount of concern that Jack was showing. _'It must have been hard on him to adjust to this; before she moved in here, there was no way that Jack would have considered touching her like that,'_ he mused, noticing that even as the heaving stopped Jack's hand didn't leave the small of her back. _'I just wish that I knew what to do. I feel really useless, standing here in the door.'_

As Sam stood up Jack passed her a toothbrush and toothpaste, then left the bathroom. "I'll give you a minute to clean up. We'll be in the living room when you're done," he told her as he closed the door. As the two men returned to their seats, Jack took the beers to the kitchen and poured them down the drain. "The smell has set off her stomach since she changed medications," he informed Daniel, noticing the wordless question. He took two mints out of a candy dish on the coffee table and passed one to the other man.

Sam came out a few minutes later. "Sir… umm… I need…" she looked lost, trying to search her mind for the right word. She knew what it was she wanted and could picture it in her mind, but couldn't find the right word. "I need those cotton stick thingies…" she said uncertainly.

"Q-tips? They're in the container on the bathroom counter," he reminded Sam.

"No, not those! The ones in the cardboard tubes," she amended, still at a loss for the right word. She became frustrated at the confused look on her friends' faces. "Damn it! I should know this!" she exclaimed, slapping her forehead. "The cotton sticks in the cardboard tubes… they come in a box, you get them at the drugstore?" she offered. "For blood, Jack!" she shouted angrily at him, perturbed by her inability to come up with a word for something that should have been so simple to remember. She knew it wasn't right to yell at him, but couldn't keep herself from expressing her anger in her words.

Daniel's eyes opened wide as he realized what it was that Sam was trying to communicate. Coming closer to her he whispered in her ear, "Sam, do you mean tampons?" He didn't want to embarrass her in front of Jack; he didn't know if they were quite at _that_ comfort level yet.

His attempt was thwarted by Sam as she jumped up and down exuberantly. "Yes! That's it! Tampons! Wow, Daniel, you really _are_ a genius!" she exclaimed happily, wrapping him in a hug.

"Thanks, Sam," he said with an uncomfortable smile. "Which ones do you need?" he asked. "I'll run to the store and get them for you," he offered.

She looked confused, but quickly understood. "The yellow ones, the company colour-coded them. Don't you think that was a good idea? That way people can go get them for other people without huge conversations on all the particulars," she noted, nodding her head as she released him from the hug.

"It definitely was," Daniel agreed. "Well, I'd better get going to the store," he said, heading towards the door. "I'll be back soon, guys," he said, putting on his shoes and heading out the door.

Sam sat down across from Jack, and he sighed. "This is going to be an awkward question, Carter, but… what are you using now?" he asked, turning slightly pink with embarrassment.

"A pad," she told him indignantly. "Did you think I would have sat down on the furniture if I didn't have anything?"

He raised his hands. "Just a question! I didn't mean anything by it," he replied carefully. She seemed placated by the response and stared at him for a minute. "Do I have something in my teeth?" he joked, unnerved by the silence.

She blushed. "No, I just realized… I'm sorry, sir, that was probably really awkward for you!" she said quickly. "I mean, I should be able to take care of those kinds of things myself. I wrote it down somewhere that I needed to get them, and I was going to have you take me to the store so I could get them myself, but I lost the list and then it slipped my mind. A lot of things have been slipping my mind lately, Sir, and I'm starting to really worry about it… I know I haven't been myself lately and I'm sorry that you have to be this much of a burden to you. If you want me to live at the SGC I would completely understand it," she rambled quickly. She paused and closed her eyes. "I was rambling again. I'm getting worse, sir, I can feel myself slipping away," she told him sadly.

He nodded. "There are fewer days when you're yourself," he replied simply. "Sometimes it's like I'm talking to a completely different person, and it's really worrying me." They had had a conversation the day after she had moved in regarding this. ///

"_Sir, you realize that I'm going to get a lot worse before the end?" Sam asked cautiously, absently stirring Cheerios around her bowl._

_"I know," he replied, taking a sip of his coffee to hide his discomfort._

_She sighed. "I want you to tell me when it happens, especially if I mention it," she requested, looking up at him. "I've always appreciated your honesty, even if it has gotten us into trouble on occasion."_

_He shook his head. "I don't know why you don't try getting treatment. It doesn't have to happen like this, Carter. You're too stubborn to die!" he reminded her, frustrated that he had been unable to change her mind. He didn't want to say it, but it was tearing him apart knowing that she had practically lost the will to live and that there was nothing he could do to help her._

_"Everyone dies, sir. I've been through so many fights in my life… too many… and I'm just so sick and tired of fighting. I don't want to do it anymore," she told him sombrely. ///_

Jack sighed, mentally shaking himself out of his recollections. "I realize this is a hard question, but how bad is it? I know only what you let me see, and if I'm right there's a whole lot more you're not letting me know," he told her.

Sam thought for a moment. _'What do I tell him? That the painkillers barely take the edge off? That I'm constantly nauseated? That every time I sit on my hands it's because they won't stop shaking?'_ she mused. "It's bad," she replied, leaning her head back. It was, quite possibly, the biggest understatement of the century. She could almost feel it spreading, slowly disabling her brain.

"And just how bad is bad?" he continued. "Is it 'take me to a hospital' bad, 'get me a priest' bad, or what?" he asked bluntly.

Sam sighed and covered his eyes. "I still have some time," she replied quietly. "There are some things I have to do, sir. Can you get me some paper and a pen? I have a couple of letters to write," she requested.

Jack nodded. "All of that stuff is in the study," he told her. She got up and headed there, her body language clearly stating that she wanted to be alone. Jack sighed and shook his head, following her with his eyes. _'What am I going to do without her?'_ he mused.


	5. Teal'c's Visit

A/N: Thanks to Nyx Ro who mentioned in a review that the SGC _does_ have an MRI machine! Guess this makes this story slightly AU, but sometimes AU makes for a good story! Just so you know, a rabid plot bunny is trying to make this slightly Sam/Jack. I'm trying to fight it off, but it might show up. Happy reading and thanks for the reviews!

Jack paced in the hallway in the hospital, waiting for Sam to come out of yet another doctor's appointment. "O'Neill, I believe that you have sufficiently worn the pattern of the tiles," Teal'c commented. "It also seems to be aggravating the medical staff."

He looked around, noticing for the first time that several nurses were following him with their eyes, and sat down. "Sorry," he mumbled. "She's been in there too long. Something's wrong, I know it," he said nervously. "Why is it taking so long?" he asked, looking down the hall.

At that moment Dr. Jones appeared in the hallway. "Colonel O'Neill? We're ready for you," he stated simply. Teal'c stayed seated as Jack quickly went into the office. Sam had been having more trouble remembering things, so Jack was an almost constant presence in her appointments. "Have a seat, Colonel," the oncologist told him, gesturing to a seat next to Sam.

"So, what's the verdict, Doc?" he asked, placing his hand over Sam's on the arm of her chair.

Dr. Jones sighed. "The tumour has grown by seven percent. The reason for her memory loss is that it is pressing against the memory centers of the brain, and is expanding more towards the emotional centers. There will be less normal behaviour, but I'm sure that you suspected that," he commented. "There are also signs that it is beginning to metastasise... spreading to the blood," he translated at Jack's slightly confused look.

Sam shook Jack's hand with hers to get his attention. "That's bad, right?" she whispered uncertainly.

He squeezed her hand, replying, "Yeah, Carter, that's bad." He looked back at the doctor. "How long?" he asked grimly.

Dr. Jones sighed. "It's impossible to tell… could be weeks, could be months. But if there's anything you need to do, Samantha, I would do it sooner than later," he suggested.

"Why?" Sam asked, almost childlike. "What happens if I don't?" She was confused. Why would she need to rush to do things?

Jack quickly redirected. "Is that all?" he asked quickly. When Dr. Jones nodded, Jack handed him the binder that he carried with him everywhere. "Add anything you think we might need," he told him. When everything was added and goodbyes said, Jack led Sam back out into the waiting room.

"Hiya, Teal'c!" Sam greeted cheerfully. She looked around the room, taking everything in. "Why do you think they painted all the walls white? It doesn't cost anything to have a colour put in," she pointed out as they headed towards the elevator.

Teal'c looked over Sam's shoulder at Jack, who shook his head with a grimace. Directing his attention back towards Sam he replied, "It is possible that it makes it easier to match the colour should damage occur," he offered.

"Brilliant!" she exclaimed. "I never even thought about that!" Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that she shouldn't be this cheerful, but couldn't quite figure it out. "Why did I have another appointment, Jack?" she asked as they got into Daniel's car. Jack had traded car temporarily with him; it was easier than trying to squeeze three people into his truck.

"Just so we could see how you were doing," he replied, helping her into the car. She had started calling him Jack over the last few days, and as much as it disturbed him to see the change in her he was relieved to see her becoming more comfortable around him.

Teal'c had climbed into the back seat, his knees pressing uncomfortably into the back of the seat. He nodded to Jack who mouthed an apology. He wasn't concerned with his own comfort at the moment: Sam enjoyed looking out the front window as they drove, and was willing to do anything to make sure that she was happy. "Perhaps we could go for a walk when we return to O'Neill's home," he suggested.

"Okay," Sam said distantly, watching the trees pass by the window. She felt tired, so she laid her head against the side window. It had only rested there a moment before the vibrations activated her constant headache, and she sat straight up. "Pull over," she whispered, clutching her stomach. The vibration of the car was quickly becoming too much for her.

"What's that, Carter?" Jack asked, glancing over at her. Noticing the greenish tinge on her face, he quickly pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car.

She had removed her seatbelt before the car stopped, and had dashed out of the car as soon as it stopped. After a few steps she dropped to her knees, heaving violently. Jack couldn't get out of his side because of traffic, so Teal'c got out and came to her side. He wordlessly rubbed her back as she continued heaving, not certain of what else he could do. "Do you require anything, Major Carter?" he asked quietly as she finished heaving.

She nodded, pointing to the car. "Pills… water…" she groaned. Moving from her knees to a sitting position she cradled her head in her hands.

Jack had managed to get out of the car and was coming over with a plastic bag. "Okay, Carter, we've got water, anti-nauseants, wipes, and your headache pills. Have I covered all the bases covered?" he asked.

She held out her hands and stated simply, "All of it." Jack quickly passed her the bottle of water and the pills. She took them and looked up expectantly.

He handed her a wet wipe so that she could clean her face. "I don't think a wipe is gonna take care of that," he told her, gesturing to her shirt. "And I don't have my bag in the trunk."

Teal'c quickly removed his and offered it to Sam. She surprised them both by taking the shirt and changing into it right on the side of the road. "You're looking at me funny," she said quietly, looking between the two men. "What'd I do?"

"You usually display more modesty than you have just done," Teal'c replied honestly, helping her to her feet. "Are you well enough to continue"

She looked around, confused for a moment. "Jack?" she questioned quietly, "Where are we?"

He helped her back to the car, quickly getting her buckled in her seat. "We're on our way home, Sam. Don't worry, we'll be there soon." He looked concernedly over at her; she sat very still, her eyes closed. "You okay?" he asked.

"Tired… go home?" she mumbled. After what had just happened she was afraid to falls asleep in the car.

"Sure, Sam," he told her softly, taking one hand off the wheel to rub her shoulder. "We'll be home in a few minutes, and I'll get you into bed," he told her. True to his word, they were home in three minutes. As she tried to get out of the car she stumbled, Teal'c managing to keep her from falling to the ground. Jack easily lifted her and carried her into her bedroom. Laying her down on her bed he gently removed her shoes and covered her up. "Sweet dreams," he murmured, turning to leave the room.

"Stay," he heard her whisper. Looking at her, stunned, she looked at him with tired eyes. "Don't wanna be alone… stay," she requested.

He stood for a moment silently. "You sure?" he asked her. Her only response was to lift the covers. He took off his boots and climbed into the bed next to her and laying on his back. She sighed contentedly and curled up into his side, quickly falling asleep.

When Teal'c checked in on them a little while later he found them curled together, both sound asleep. Nodding in satisfaction, he closed the door and headed to the living room, putting Star Wars in the VCR. He made a mental note not to mention the sleeping arrangement of his CO and 2IC to anyone.


	6. The Beginning of the End

A/N: I've finally set a rough timeframe for this story: season 3. It may contain spoilers for anything up to and including "Point of View" (episode 306). Also, the rabid plot bunny I've been fighting with won: there will be Sam/Jack, but I don't think that the rating will go up any further. Strangely, this wasn't supposed to be as large as it is, but I can't help myself! Actually, the part I set out to get to will be coming up in one or two more chapters. This part sort of elongated itself. To those who may be wondering why I would put Sam through something like this: I whump because I love. She's a strong character and she is capable of overcoming adversity, thus the whumping. If you read it, review it! No flames, but constructive criticism welcome. Also, reviews feed my muse: more reviews, longer story! Thanks!

Sam woke up a few hours later she felt as if it had been the best sleep she had had in years. She was warm, comfortable, and her body was wrapped around something equally warm. _'What the hell?'_ she thought to herself, noticing the rise and fall that her body experienced, out of sync with her own breathing. She slowly opened her eyes and sat up with a start. "Sir!" she said, embarrassed to see Jack in her bed.

"Morning, sleepyhead," he replied with a lopsided grin. "Sleep well?" He had woken only a few minutes earlier, and was happy to see her looking so peaceful in her sleep. He got up and stretched slowly, still watching her. He had been strangely comfortable with her wrapped around him and had hoped that she would sleep a little longer.

She was horrified by the fact that she couldn't remember what had led him to be there in bed with her, but didn't want to ask. Instead, she looked away, running her fingers through her short hair. "I… umm… hi…" she stammered, looking anywhere but at him.

He sat down next to her on the bed. "You didn't want to be alone," he told her, recognizing the confused expression on her face; she often got it when she couldn't remember things. "Nothing happened, just a nice nap," he assured her. He grinned cheekily at her. "The Air Force is paying us to take naps; what is the world coming to?" he asked with a chuckle.

She laughed. It seemed so ridiculous, the idea of being paid to take a nap, that she couldn't help herself. "Next thing you know," she commented between giggles, "we'll be taking Mr. Chan take-out off-world on missions instead of MREs!" Her stomach growled loudly and she looked at the clock, which told her that it was 5:30 at night. "Maybe we should think about getting some dinner," she suggested.

"Ya, sure, you betcha!" came the reply as they got up off the bed and headed towards the living room. Both of them were surprised to find Teal'c still sitting on the couch, watching "The Empire Strikes Back". "Are you feeling better rested now?" he asked the two of them as they sat down.

Sam nodded, looking uncomfortable. She realized that if he knew both of them had slept that he would know _where_ they had slept. "Teal'c, would you mind not mentioning the sleeping thing to anyone… it's not really appropriate…" she said, worried more for the repercussions for Jack than for her. There wasn't much they could do to her now, anyway.

He raised an eyebrow. "To what are you referring, Major Carter?" he asked. Staring at him in shock, she noticed the twinkle in his eyes and the slight raise in the corners of his mouth. She sighed with relief, realizing that the response was his way of letting her know that his lips were sealed. "You know, Teal'c, no one gives you enough credit for the way you respect everyone's privacy. Hell, I trust you with my secrets more than I used to trust my diary," she commented with a smile. He inclined his head towards her as a gesture of thanks, although he wasn't entirely sure what a diary was.

"So, kids, who's up for Chinese?" Jack asked, brandishing a takeout flier. It wasn't long before the food was ordered and they sat around waiting for it to arrive. Sam was watching the movie, somehow absorbed by it, and Jack watched her. _'She's almost herself right now,'_ he thought to himself. _'All we need is some technobabble and it would be just like old times. Still, I wonder why she's doing this to herself; she doesn't seem the type to just lay down and…'_ he couldn't even complete that thought, still not willing to accept the idea of losing her. He wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but he cared for her way more than a CO was supposed to. It was one thing to admit it for the Zatarc testing; it was completely another to let the world know about it.

Thinking back to the conversation with Daniel regarding what Sam had divulged, he realized that he while he knew _Major_ Carter very well he had never really gotten to know _Samantha_ Carter. There was usually a large distinction between who you were as a person and who you were as an Air Force officer.

When their meal arrived they quickly dug into it. "So, T, what do Jaffa have for take-out?" Jack asked with a grin.

Teal'c looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "We do not have such a thing among the Jaffa," he replied humourlessly.

"Besides, I don't think that Chulak is in the delivery area for Mr. Chan's," Sam quipped, eliciting a laugh from Jack and a barely perceptible smile from Teal'c. They continued eating their meal, bantering just like old times. Sam finished her food first and got up. "I think I'm going to get a quick shower," she told them. "If anyone needs the bathroom speak now or forever hold your pee," she warned them in a mock-serious tone. Neither Jack nor Teal'c needed to use the facilities so Sam headed into the bathroom.

"O'Neill, is the phrase not 'speak now or forever hold your peace'?" he questioned, raising his eyebrow.

Jack shook his head. "It's a joke, Teal'c. You know: pee, piss, urinate, take a leak, drain the lizard…" he trailed off when Teal'c gave no sign of comprehension. "It's funny, take my word for it," he assured his friend, moving to clean up the dishes.

He had just finished washing the plates when a loud crash was heard from the bathroom. "Shit…" he muttered, running towards the bathroom, a plate falling to the floor and breaking in his haste. Teal'c had the same idea, but hesitated just outside the bathroom door. "Carter?" Jack called through the door, listening for a response. "I'm coming in," he warned as he opened the door.

The water was still running and nothing had fallen on the floor. Opening the shower curtain, he paled at the sight that was revealed to him: Sam sprawled facedown on the bottom of the tub, watered-down blood everywhere. He hauled her out of the tub and laid her on her back on the floor, quickly noting that she was still breathing. "Sam," he called gently, tapping her cheek. There was no response and he quickly checked for the source of the blood.

"Teal'c, call Doc Frasier. She's hit her head," he ordered urgently as he noticed blood pooling under Sam's head. _'Come on, Sam, you can't do this to me,'_ he urged her silently as he pressed a towel to the wound to slow the breathing.

Teal'c quickly returned with the phone. "Doctor Frasier has directed that we bring her to the SGC for treatment. An escort will meet us as soon as possible, but she requests that if it is serious the metal should meet the pedal," Teal'c relayed, turning the water off in the shower.

Jack nodded, continuing to hold the towel in place while trying to find gauze pads in the drawers. He looked down and noticed that the towel was already soaked through. "I need towels and her robe; they're by the door," Jack told Teal'c, who quickly handed them over. He put a fresh towel over the wound and used a second towel to tie it on. Quickly but gently he managed to put her robe on her, tying it firmly at the front. Picking her up, he headed towards the door. "Teal'c, you drive. Keys are on the table."

Teal'c picked them up and once outside dashed past Jack to open the rear door. He quickly got into the driver's seat and started the car. "How do the metal and pedal meet?" he asked in a calm tone. He was worried about Sam, but realized that it would do no one any good to let on that he was.

"She means go really fast. Just hurry, I can't slow the bleeding!" Jack called frantically. The SGC was closer than the hospital was. True, the elevator ride down took several minutes, but he would bet money on the fact that Janet would be waiting topside with a gurney and supplies. The car suddenly lurched forwards. Teal'c had obviously floored the gas pedal and now the car was zooming along the road. "Come on, Sam, you've been hurt worse. Open your eyes for me, let me know you're still in there," he begged. "I swear, if you just wake up for me, I'll wrap the whole house in bubble wrap just for you. Anything you want! All the blue jell-o you can eat… Sam, you can't leave me." He whispered the last sentence into her ear. Flashing lights suddenly lit up the interior of the car. "What's going on, Teal'c?" he called out. He had laid Sam on the rear seats and was currently crouched next to her head, in the area usually reserved for feet. He had no way to see what was going on outside the car

"Our escort has arrived," he responded calmly. "I must stop the vehicle, O'Neill," he warned, slowing down.

"Like hell! This is Sam's life we're talking about here!" Jack replied.

"There is an ambulance with the escort; Doctor Frasier is in the passenger seat." Without another word the car pulled over and rolled to a stop. Teal'c stepped out and opened the rear door, Jack nearly spilling out of the backseat as it swung open.

The ambulance had pulled over in front of the car. "How is she?" Janet called out, getting the gurney from the back of the ambulance. It was a lucky thing that they had had one at the base.

"She's bleeding badly: I can't make it slow down. She hasn't responded at all since I found her," Jack replied, lifting Sam onto the stretcher.

Janet nodded. "Call ahead, tell them to get a couple units of blood ready," she ordered. Jack was too flustered to even notice who the doctor had spoken to. In fact, he was barely aware of much of anything the rest of the ride with the exception of Sam's pale face and holding her limp hand. They quickly got the SGC and after a tense and cramped elevator ride, Janet rushed Sam into the infirmary.

Jack followed as far as the door, but did not go in. He knew he would only be in the way. Teal'c stood a respectful distance away silently. Turning around quickly, Jack's fist impacted the wall. "It's my fault," he fumed loudly. "I should have kept a better eye on her… I should have put safety equipment in the shower… Damn it, Teal'c, I should have been able to talk her into getting treatment! Then none of this would have happened!" he shouted angrily. He clenched his fists tightly and looked up at Teal'c. "I… I need to be alone for a while," he stated simply, walking away. Teal'c watched Jack go then stood next to the infirmary door, assuming a guard position.

As Janet finished putting stitches in Sam's scalp she looked up and noticed Jack in the observation gallery. "How long as he been up there?" she asked one of the nurses quietly.

"A few minutes after we started," the nurse replied, checking monitors and making notations on a chart.

Janet looked up at Jack again, noting his drawn and tired face. "You can come in now, Colonel," she called up to him. In less than a minute he was next to Sam's bed. "She won't wake up for a while, and when she does I have more tests I need to run," she told him softly.

He nodded, closing his eyes and sighing. "She had been fine since her nap this afternoon, Doc. Almost herself, you know?" Guilt and worry were written on his face.

"This isn't your fault, Colonel. Chances are that she had a seizure in the shower and hit her head on something," she explained. Noting the stunned expression on his face she added, "Her hair was full of conditioner and she was dressed in a bath robe. Where else would she have been?"

"Ugh…" they heard from beside them. "Where?" Sam mumbled, clutching her head.

Jack grinned and wrapped her in as much of a hug as he could. "You're awake! Oh thank God… don't you ever do that to me again, you hear me?" he gushed. When he released her, she looked at him in bewilderment. "Sam, you okay?" he asked concernedly.

She flinched as Janet started flashing a penlight in her eyes. Something was wrong, she could sense that much, but couldn't put her finger on it. All she knew for sure was that she had a killer headache. "Where?" she asked again, looking around.

"You're in the infirmary, Sam. You fell and hit your head in the shower," Janet explained slowly. "How do you feel?"

"Hurts…" she replied, pointing to her head. For some reason, she couldn't seem to form a full sentence. The words just didn't want to come into her mind. "Sick…" she groaned.

"No, Sam, you're not sick. You just hurt yourself," Janet explained calmly.

Sam's eyes widen and she clutched her stomach. "Sick!" she insisted, looking pleadingly at Jack. Understanding immediately, he grabbed the nearest garbage can and put it next to her, then moved her on her side. Immediately she leaned her head over the can and threw up. Jack rubbed her back as she did so. Eventually she stopped and laid her head down on the bed. "Sleepy," she told him, closing her eyes.

Janet nodded. "We should let her get some rest, Colonel. I'll have a nurse keep an eye on her, don't worry," she assured him as he noted the worried expression on his face.

He nodded slowly, covering her with a blanket. "I'll give you a minute to get cleaned up," he suggested, pointing to the blood – Sam's blood, he reminded himself – that was on her lab coat. She looked down at herself as if noticing the stains for the first time and quickly excused herself. Jack looked down at his sleeping friend and sighed. "Sam, there are some thing's I've got to say, and I know you're sleeping, but I can't say them to you if you're awake," he started quietly. "It's killing me to watch you do this to yourself. You're not you very often and… I miss you. I know I'm not supposed to say this, or even feel this way, but I love you Sam, and I can't lose you." His voice was barely a whisper when he finished. He kissed her softly on the cheek then got up from his chair, ready to find Janet.

SG1SG1SG1 (Section break, won't let me use anything else)

Jack had briefed Janet on Sam's latest doctor's appointment as they walked the halls. Janet reminded him that, from a medical standpoint, if there was the possibility of there being days or months left that the latter would probably be true without treatment. "I know she didn't want Jacob to know, but we're running out of time," Jack said resignedly.

"It's your call," Janet reminded him. "But I know how much it hurt Sam that her father didn't want her there when he was ill; I'm sure that in this situation Jacob would feel the same way," she offered.

Jack nodded. "You should probably head back to the infirmary, Doc. I'm going to go track down General Hammond," he told her, heading towards the General's office. He arrived there quickly and knocked on the door.

"Come in," he heard the General call from inside. "What can I do for you, son?" he asked as Jack stepped into the office.

"Sir, I need permission to contact the Tok'ra," Jack stated simply. He felt that it was too important a situation to waste his breath.

Hammond looked up from the papers on his desk. "I thought that Major Carter had refused to seek help from the Tok'ra?" he asked, confused.

Jack sat down heavily in the chair across from the General. "She has sir, but she's almost out of time. I think Jacob should be told," he replied with total conviction.

Hammond nodded his head. "Permission granted. Let's go, son," he replied quickly as he stood up from his desk. "I've known Jake a long time, son. I intend to be there when he's told," he told Jack in response to a quizzical look.

The two men headed quickly down to the control room. "Walter, dial the Tok'ra," General Hammond ordered. They had given the Tok'ra a radio so that contact could be established without sending a whole team through. Once the wormhole had been established, he picked up the appropriate radio apparatus and switched it on. "This is General Hammond of the SGC. We need to speak with Jacob Carter," he spoke into the radio, releasing the button to allow for a response.

A Tok'ra voice quickly came through the radio. "This is Lantash. Jacob and Selmak are currently with the High Council. Do you require Tok'ra assistance?" he asked calmly.

General Hammond depressed the button again. "No, but we need Jacob here as soon as possible."

There was a longer pause before Lantash replied this time. "Should he ask, is there a purpose for this visit?" the Tok'ra asked.

Jack groaned. "For crying out loud, General, give me the radio," he grated out. Once the radio was in his hand he pressed the button. "Lantash, this is O'Neill. You get Jacob out of that meeting and through the damn Gate _now_. And _if_ he asks why, tell him his daughter is dying," he nearly shouted through the radio. He quickly handed the radio back to his CO and stormed out of the room. He knew there was no reason to get angry at Lantash – the guy was being polite – but he couldn't control his emotions at the moment. He wanted Jacob to have as much time with Sam as he could just in case there wasn't much time left.


	7. Jacob Arrives

A/N: Finally the chapter in which Jacob arrives, which brings me to an interesting conundrum: how to refer to Selmak? Martouf had mentioned in "The Tok'ra Part 2" that Selmak was a she, given the symbiote's preference for female hosts. But I also find it difficult to use 'she' when Selmak is in control of Jacob's body, because Jacob is obviously a guy… sigh stupid pronouns! Oh well, I guess Selmak will be a she in this story; it might help remind me that Selmak and Jacob are two completely different people. It gets a little confusing sometimes, being that they're in one body.

Also, I apologize for the delay. RL gets in the way far too easily! Hopefully I'll be able to make more frequent updates.

**SG1SG1SG1**

It had been less than half an hour after the call had gone out to the Tok'ra when the Gate activated itself. "Unscheduled off-world activation!" Walter called out as the iris closed. "Receiving Tok'ra IDC, sir," he added a moment later.

General Hammond nodded. "Open the iris," he ordered before making his way down to the Gate room. Jacob Carter walked through the event horizon, followed closely by Martouf/Lantash.

"Where is she, George? What happened?" Jacob asked, jogging down the ramp and heading towards the door.

General Hammond fell in step with his long-time friend. "She's in the infirmary. Jacob, she… she has cancer," he told him gently. Jacob was stunned and stopped suddenly. "Jake, you alright?" he asked, concerned about how he would take the news.

Jacob's head dropped for a moment, and as it lifted his eyes flashed. "Jacob is having a difficult time processing this information. Please, take us to her," Selmak replied in her dual-tone voice.

"Of course, Selmak," General Hammond replied tensely, continuing to lead the way. When they got there they saw Sam lying in a bed asleep, and Jack in a chair next to her holding her hand. "Colonel O'Neill, Jacob is here," General Hammond called out to get Jack's attention.

Jack looked up and nodded, but didn't release Sam's hand. "She'll be woken up soon, Jacob. She's got a concussion and some stitches, but nothing worse from her little accident," he assured the older man as they neared the bed.

"What accident?" Jacob asked, taking control of his body again. "George said she had cancer," he added, seeming very confused.

"She does: it's an inoperable brain tumour, but it's moving to her blood. She took a tumble in the shower; the Doc is guessing that she had a seizure which caused her to fall," he explained quickly. He had become familiar with the technobabble involved with Sam's condition, but spared Jacob from hearing it.

"What treatment has she chosen?" he asked, well aware of the various options after his experience with the disease. Jack looked away, causing Jacob to worry. "Is it a dangerous one?" he continued.

Jack looked up at him. "She refused treatment entirely. She explained it to Daniel, but it would have been awkward if I tried to get her to open up to me so you might want to ask him. He's off-world with SG-5 right now, but he's due back in a few hours," Jack explained.

Jacob nodded. "I guess she wouldn't be comfortable with the idea of opening up to her CO," he reasoned, as if it explained everything.

Jack froze, realizing that General Hammond hadn't explained the living arrangements to Jacob. "Yeah… something like that," he replied as casually as he could manage.

"Colonel, Major Carter should be woken up now," a nurse informed them. She was hesitant to go over to the gathered people.

He nodded. "It's okay, I'll do it," he replied, noting the nurse's discomfort. "Sam, time to wake up," he called out, rubbing her shoulder lightly. Jacob gave him a strange look, prompting Jack to inform him, "She gets nauseous if she's shaken." Sam groaned as her eyes opened, looking around slowly. "Morning, sleepyhead," he greeted her quietly, mindful of the fact that loud voices would make her head hurt.

"Jack," she breathed with a smile, but froze when her eyes landed on her father. "No!" she said strongly, pointing at him. She glared at Jack, anger evident in her eyes.

Jack squeezed her hand. "I thought he should know," he replied unapologetically. "When he was in your position you wanted to know," he pointed out.

She continued to glare at him. "No!" she said, trying to pull the sheets over her head and failing miserably. As she tried to grab the sheets her fingers failed her, succeeding only in messing up the sheets. "Home?" she asked plaintively, tears starting to fall.

"Not until Janet does a few more tests," he replied calmly. "Look, I know you didn't want your dad here, but I think it would really hurt him if he didn't get a chance to see you," he explained. When she answered with only a confused look he wondered how much she actually understood. "Sam, I'm going to go get Janet, okay? You need to give me my hand back," he told her as he stood up and tried to move away from the bed.

"No!" she told him, clutching his hand tighter. Her eyes had gone wide and she looked terrified, although there was no logical reason for her to be scared.

'_Well, she's not exactly logical right now, is she?'_ he reminded himself, sitting back down. "Okay, Sam, I'll stay here. I'm sure she'll poke her head in eventually," he replied.

Martouf, who had been silent since arriving through the Gate, chose now to assert his presence. "I will go retrieve Dr. Frasier," he informed everyone, immediately taking his leave.

Jacob, quite unnerved by his daughter's reaction to him, stood by her bed in silent conversation with Selmak. _'She has never refused treatment before,'_ he told Selmak.

'_I am aware of that, Jacob. Perhaps there is something different about the disease this time?' _Selmak suggested. She was aware of Jacob picking up a clipboard that had been hooked to the end of the bed, and paid close attention while they read it. _'It appears to be fairly consistent with her previous experiences,'_ she conceded. _'Perhaps she is concerned that the naquadah in her blood with adversely affect the treatment,'_ she offered again.

Jacob thought about this for a moment. _'It's a possibility, Selmak. Or maybe she just doesn't want to do it anymore. She's spent too much of her life fighting this thing.'_ Their ruminations were cut short by Martouf's return with Dr. Frasier. "Doctor," Jacob greeted her. "How is she?"

She looked at him sadly. "I still need to run some more tests, but the prognosis isn't good," she told him gently. "Between the pressure that the tumour is exerting on her brain and the concussion, chances are…" She trailed off, uncertain of what to say next. Finally she told him, "I'm glad that Jack called you when he did, General." She went over to Sam's bedside. "Sam, sweetie, can you let go of Jack? I need to borrow you for a little while but he can see you again when we're done, okay?" she asked, smiling.

Sam looked over at Jack, uncertain of what to do. "It's okay, Sam. I'll be here as soon as you get back," he promised, squeezing her hand. Her eyes darted from him to Janet, then back again. Reluctantly, she released his hand and looked expectantly at Janet.

"This could take a while, sirs. Feel free to wander around. I'll page you when we're almost done, and you can meet us back here," she told them.

After Janet had wheeled the gurney away, Martouf looked at the other men with a confused look on his face. "If we will be meeting here when the tests are done, why do we not wait here?" he asked.

"Most people don't like infirmaries, son. And there are patients that need their rest too. That 'suggestion' was Dr. Frasier's way of politely ordering us out of her infirmary," he explained.

Jack rose from his seat, picking up a laptop bag as he did, and rubbed his eyes. "I need coffee. It's been a _long_ day," he said tiredly.

General Hammond nodded. "I think we can have some coffee brought to the briefing room. It'll be a quieter place to talk than the commissary," he added.

The four men began heading in that direction until Jacob stopped them. "George, do you think that I could borrow Jack for a little while. I have the feeling that we need to talk," he explained.

When General Hammond nodded his assent, Jack piped up with a suggestion. "Sam's lab has a coffee pot. We could talk there without being disturbed," he offered.

"Lead the way," Jacob told him, following the younger man as he led the way.

'_Martouf and Lantash will not be pleased with being… what is the phrase?' _Selmak interjected. She realized that this was a difficult time for Jacob, but was also aware that their friends were taking it badly. Samantha Carter closely resembled Rosha, Jolinar's former host, and had once been Jolinar's host herself. Selmak assumed that for Martouf and Lantash it was like seeing the woman they had loved for so long withering away.

'_Ditched. And frankly, I don't give a damn what they think about it. It's obvious Jack knows a lot about what is going on with my baby girl, and I want to know what's going on. I'll apologize later, I promise,'_ Jacob assured her as they stepped into Sam's lab. "Wow… there's a lot of dust in here," Jacob said needlessly. Jack was blowing dust off of the otherwise clean coffee pot. He leaned against one of the lab tables as Jack started brewing a pot of coffee.

Jack could feel Jacob's eyes on his back. "So what do you want to know?" he asked casually, turning around.

Jacob paused for a moment. His answer was as brief as it was vague: "Everything." What he had meant was everything regarding Sam's condition, but this was Jack O'Neill he was talking to.

"Everything? I'm afraid I can't help you there. Frankly, I'm surprised that I remember my name some days," he joked, trying to break some of the tension. He realized when he saw Jacob's jaw clench that it had been a mistake. "Sorry…" he mumbled, peeking at the coffee pot to check its progress.

Jacob forcibly relaxed, reminding himself that Jack would deal with _any_ situation with a joke. It was just the way that he was. "No, I'm just a bit touchy," he said. "You just seem to know what's going on with her, and I'd like to know," he explained. "What's in the bag?" he asked as Jack slipped it off.

"Sam's stuff," he replied, opening the bag and pulling out the limited contents. "Meds and paperwork," he added, gesturing to the various pill bottles and the large three-ring binder. "I've got most of it memorized, but my pronunciation _sucks_," he said, handing the binder to Jacob.

Jacob was surprised by the weight of it and quickly flipped through the pages, noting that there were no blank pages. It was also very well-organized, which was unusual for Jack. "You make this yourself?" he asked, surprised.

"Janet started me off with about twenty printouts, but it's my filing system. It's charts, scans, blood test result, meds, and so forth. And there are important pages for the docs, like what stuff doesn't agree with her since… y'know…" he trailed off, pointing to his neck.

Jacob expected Selmak to be, at the very least, mildly offended, but she was rather amused. _'He thought that Jolinar was a Goa'uld at the time: first impressions last the longest. He is truly censoring himself from saying something impolite,'_ she reminded Jacob. Noting that he was preoccupied with the contents of the binder, she gave a mental sigh. _'If it doesn't bother either of you, I could read it while you two talk. I would only need your eyes,'_ she suggested, knowing that Jacob wasn't going to be able to focus until the information in that binder was in their head.

'_Thank you, Selmak, that would be wonderful,'_ Jacob replied gratefully. "Jack, would you mind if Selmak reads this while I talk to you? She'll only use my eyes," he assured the younger man, who blinked a few times.

"He… She… It can do that?" he asked, slightly surprised. "Sure, why not," he agreed. Suddenly he noticed that the coffee was ready and poured himself one. "So what else do you want to know?" he asked, feeling fortified by having the hot drink in his hand.

"Who's been taking care of Sam?" Jacob asked, getting straight to the point. He was well aware that she wouldn't have been able to take care of herself in her condition.

Jack rubbed the back of his head. "She's been living with me for a while now. That happened just after she put an al'kesh on her grocery list," he explained. "I figured it was a better option than staying here indefinitely," he explained.

Jacob clenched his jaw, keeping himself from saying any of the traditional 'protective father' things that popped into his head. Instead, he asked, "And who watches her when you're off-world?" He trusted Jack enough not to make a move on his daughter… at least not when she wasn't herself.

"SG-1 was taken off of active duty about ten seconds after Sam agreed to stay at my place. And if I ever have to be away from the house, Daniel or Teal'c stays with her. We've been trying to make this a team effort," he explained. Feeling uncomfortable, he hid a worried look behind a sip of his coffee.

Jacob nodded. "Who is she seeing for medical care?" he continued.

Selmak moved Jacob's eyes from the bonder to Jack, then back down again. _'Jacob, stop interrogating the poor man. Can't you tell that he's uncomfortable?' _Selmak questioned.

'_There's no reason for him to be uncomfortable, Selmak,' _Jacob responded as he waited for Jack's response.

"She's got Doctor Frasier as well as an oncologist: Dr. Jones. He's okay, but I like Frasier better. She's got a better bedside manner… well, unless you piss her off," he added. He hoped that his nervousness wasn't showing too much. It was hard talking to the father of someone you had fallen in love with. He noticed that Jacob's eyes were finally back on him. "Selmak done?" he asked.

"Yeah. She's a fast reader," Jacob replied. He looked down towards Jack's belt as something began beeping.

Jack quickly looked at the pager that he had taken to wearing. "We need to get to the infirmary," he told Jacob urgently, putting down his coffee and taking off at a run. Without hesitation, Jacob followed behind him.


	8. Saying Goodbye

A/N: I left a big evil cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter: what's happening to poor Sam? I guess you're going to have to read and find out! Please review, it feeds my muse! And a well-fed muse is a productive muse, popping out all kinds of ideas!

**SG1SG1SG1**

Jack and Jacob made it to the infirmary in record time, having run the whole way there. Several people who had been knocked over in the hall would later swear that the two men had broken land speed records in their haste. They were directed to an isolation room by a nurse, and they dashed through the door. Jack's heart fell when he saw what was happening: a long, continuous tone could be heard from a heart monitor in counterpoint to a whine from defibrillator paddles being charged, while Janet stood next to Sam, poised for action. "Clear!" she shouted, nurses removing their hands from Sam's body. She applied the paddles, and Sam's limp body jerked as the electricity flowed into her. Sparing a glance at the monitor, Janet called out, "Charge to 200," followed by "Clear!" as the paddles were recharged and applied again. This time a faint rhythm resumed on the heart monitor. Janet sighed and put the paddles down. The nurses quickly filed out of the room, acutely aware by his body language that the Colonel had words for the CMO.

"What the hell happened?" Jack nearly shouted as he and Jacob crossed the room to where Sam was laying.

Brushing stray hairs out of her face, she replied, "Sam coded while we were performing some tests. I told a nurse to contact you and resuscitated her." She looked almost guilty at the revelation.

Jack glared at the petite doctor. "She didn't want that," he growled. Jacob's eyes widened at the tone in Jack's words. "I'd thank you but she has a DNR on her file. She didn't want you to do that." His heart ached as he said it. Frankly, he could kiss Janet right now for saving Sam: he hadn't agreed with the Do Not Resuscitate order and thought it was a bad idea. However, Sam had trusted him to ensure that her wishes were followed if she couldn't do it herself; as much as he didn't want her to die, he wanted her wishes respected.

Janet's response surprised him. "I know that, Colonel. And believe me, I don't make a habit of going against my patient's wishes. But there was no way that I was going to let her go without people being able to say goodbye," she replied in an almost cold voice. She gave the monitor a brief glace, and then looked at the two men. "I'm going to go to my office and write myself up for what I just did. I suggest that you two say what you need to; she doesn't have a lot of time left and I will not be repeating my previous actions." With that she turned on her heel and headed into her office, closing the door behind her. Only one person would ever know how hard it was for her to cross the line that distinguished doctor from friend, and it wasn't going to be Jack.

Jacob and Jack exchanged a look. "You go first, Jack. I'll wait outside," Jacob offered, leaving the isolation room and closing the door behind him.

Jack paused for a moment, unsure of what to say. "This sucks," he began, sitting down in a well-placed chair. "This really sucks to see this happen to you. I'm horrible with words, Sam. I wish you hadn't taken a shower; I would have put up with body odour for eternity if it meant you wouldn't have fallen in there. I mean, of all the dumb ways to go out of the world, falling in the shower!" he exclaimed. He wondered who he was making jokes to: she probably couldn't hear him. He sighed and moved to hold her hand. "I love you, Sam. Always have, I suppose, ever since I met you. If we weren't Air Force you would have known how I feel, but the regs suck," he said quietly. He bent down and softly kissed her lips. "I've got to go so that Jacob can say his goodbyes. When he's done, I'll be back. If you go before I come back, just remember that I'll miss you for the rest of my life," Jack added before leaving the room.

**SG1SG1SG1**

_'Jacob, we need to talk,'_ Selmak said bluntly, annoyed at her host for trying to shut her out. Usually Jacob was very open with her, but since seeing his daughter revived he had closed himself off.

_'I'm not really in the mood to talk. Sorry,'_ he replied. It was clear by his tone that he wasn't sorry at all. In fact, he sounded angry at her for intruding. What Selmak didn't know was that Jacob's thoughts had taken a foul turn and that he was trying to save her the trouble of dealing with them. He knew it was futile and that she'd find out eventually, but for now he wanted to be alone with his self-loathing.

She understood from her experiences with previous hosts that there were times when privacy should be respected, and times when it shouldn't. _'I could force you to tell me, you know. Poke around in your memories until I find out what has upset you so badly,'_ she reminded him, and felt Jacob contemplate that fact. _'But I expect better than that of myself. I also expect you to be honest with me, Jacob, as you have been in the past. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong.'_

Jacob sighed, leaning heavily against the doorframe. _'You wouldn't understand, Selmak. The same thing happened years ago, but this time there's no one to help her,'_ he confided, anguish evident in his tone.

_'What do you mean?'_ she asked, disturbed by her host's turbulent emotions.

Jacob closed his eyes tightly. _'Please, Selmak, it's too hard to talk about. I can't…'_ he told her.

She knew that Jacob had closed off certain memories to her since they were blended; it was not uncommon, and she too had things that she didn't let Jacob know about. Usually she allowed her host to keep these things private, but two thousand years experience gave her the wisdom to know that sometimes circumstances didn't allow for that kind of privacy. _'Then don't tell me, Jacob. Show me what happened. Let me see,'_ she insisted in a gentle tone.

Jacob warred with himself for a moment, trying to decide what to do. He was sure that if he refused Selmak would respect his decision. But he also longed for the absolution he would receive by finally sharing what had happened – all of it – with someone. _'Okay,'_ he finally replied, mentally opening a part of himself to Selmak that she had never seen before.

In a strange way, memories were simultaneously a blessing and a curse. What had taken months in real life took only moments for Selmak to experience. The emotions Jacob had felt at the time had only been slightly tempered by the time that had passed, and had sent Selmak reeling from the intensity. Jacob had been afraid that she would be ashamed or disappointed in him, and was shocked when he felt her admiration. _'It takes a very strong person to try to protect me from something like that, Jacob,'_ she explained. _'And as for what transpired: you have done nothing to be ashamed of. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise,'_ she added.

As Selmak said that, Jack opened the door and walked out of Sam's room. Jacob straightened immediately. "Well, that was quick," he commented in an off-hand manner, trying to seem composed.

"Yeah, well, I suck with words. Besides… that's not how I want to remember her," he added sombrely. Seeing Sam lying there attached to monitors had unnerved him. She had always been so strong, and he wouldn't taint her memory with such weakness. She deserved better than that. _'Then again, she deserves to live,'_ he mused to himself. "Anyhow, I think I should go apologize to Frasier for being an ass. I'm sure this whole thing has been hard on her too," he told Jacob before heading towards the doctor's door.

Jacob stepped inside the isolation room and closed the door. He felt hot tears well up in his eyes when he saw her lying deathly still on the bed, and let them fall freely. "Oh, Sammie," he breathed, moving to her bedside. "I'm so sorry." He brushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead and carefully scrutinized his daughter's face, looking for the little girl that he remembered.

Many years of burden had formed lines on her face; once brilliant blond hair had turned lifeless and dull while she was ill. "You went through too much, too soon. Fought this thing too many times, sweetie, but you've always pulled through it before. I need you to wake up, Sam. I want you to know how sorry I am for not being there the last time you went through this, and I want you to know why. Please Sam, open your eyes for me," Jacob pleaded.

Selmak pulled back slightly during this exchange, giving Jacob as much 'personal space' in his head as possible. Even after pulling back she could feel Jacob's anguish rolling over her in waves. He had buried his face in his daughter's hair, sobbing. He was so consumed with his own thoughts that he barely registered the change in the tone of the heart monitor. _'Jacob!'_ she called out to him quickly, brining him back to awareness.

Finally noticing the continuous tone, his head snapped up. "No…" he whispered. _'Selmak, I can't let her life end like this!'_ he told her.

_'I don't really think that you can fix this, Jacob. A healing device won't work, and unless you're hiding a symbiote in your pocket I don't see how you can help,'_ Selmak pointed out gently.

But Jacob was not a man who could give up on the people he loved. He stood perfectly still for a few moments in silent communion with Selmak. Then, after a tense moment, Jacob leaned down to kiss his daughter, perhaps for the last time.

**SG1SG1SG1**

A/N: Sorry it was short, but apparently my muse has a thing for cliffhangers. Also, the story will flow better if I leave it off here. I should be updated this story again soon, but it will be sooner if you review! The button should be just down and to the left of here hint, hint!.


	9. What Did He Do?

**A/N:** I'm sorry that this took so ling for me to write. Real Life handed me the death of a friend who has been fighting cancer for twelve years, and it made it very hard for me to write this. I'm really sorry.

**SG1SG1SG1**

When Sam had flat-lined it had set off alarms in Frasier's office. She and Jack had quickly made their way to the isolation room, but neither was prepared for what they saw. Sam's monitor had miraculously started again, but Jacob was on the floor; both father and daughter had a tiny amount of blood around their mouths. "What the hell…?" Jack asked, moving towards Jacob.

Jacob's eye fluttered open as Jack rolled him onto his back. "Martouf… get Martouf…" he mumbled before closing his eyes again.

Jack looked over at Janet, who was currently checking on Sam. She shrugged and gestured for one of the nurses to go, presumably to grant Jacob's request. "Sam's fine, sir. Her pupils are better than they were, her breathing is steady, her blood pressure is close to normal… it's a miracle," she told him. "I can't find a source for the blood, though," she added, kneeling down next to Jacob and beginning to check his vitals. "I won't risk moving him until I know what has happened," Janet told Jack

_'Sam's better, Jacob's on the floor, and they have blood on their mouths… what's going on here?'_ Jack wondered to himself. He thought hard for a moment, eyes widening as he came up with the only explanation that fit. He shook Jacob gently, eyes narrowing at the older man as he woke. "Where's Selmak?" he asked in a low tone.

"Saved Sam," Jacob groaned, not fully aware yet. It had been a shock to his system when Selmak had left him, and for the moment he just wanted to rest. Janet looked over at Jack, something close to fear in her eyes. "Get Martouf," Jacob repeated, closing his eyes once more.

Jack sighed heavily. "She is going to be pissed when she wakes up," he commented to Janet, his casual tone conflicting with the worried expression on his face. They stood in silence for several minutes

"Where is Selmak?" Lantash asked, walking briskly into the room, followed by two nurses with a gurney. Looking around the room, he grimaced. "She didn't… did she?" he asked, concern showing on his face as his eyes moved from Jacob to Sam worriedly.

Janet nodded. "Jacob was awake briefly and told us that Selmak saved Sam. We can only assume that Selmak switched hosts. Is it safe to move Jacob onto a gurney?" she asked.

Lantash nodded, his shock at the situation and Martouf's joy for Sam being saved creating mental turbulence and leaving them wordless for a moment. "Yes, but you must not move Samantha. Until Selmak is finished completing her repairs they must remain undisturbed, or both of them may die," Lantash explained. Kneeling down, he lifted Jacob's head as Jack lifted his feet and they moved him onto the gurney.

"Whose decision do you think it was?" Janet asked, curiosity driving her.

The Tok'ra's head dipped, and Martouf spoke. "It was most likely Jacob's idea. Selmak prefers to interview her hosts before joining. It may be awkward for Samantha as well," he added.

"Ya think?" Jack asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Martouf nodded. "Would you like your father's memories in your head? It is uncommon among the Tok'ra to take hosts from the same family, especially when the previous host is still alive," he explained.

Jacob stirred on the bed. "Holy Hannah," he groaned hoarsely, clutching his head. "It's so quiet!" For the first time in a while it was only him inside his head; the silence was nearly deafening.

Janet moved to his side. "Is there anything you need?" she asked, immediately taking his pulse.

He cleared his throat slightly. "Maybe a lozenge; my throat's a little sore," he told her.

"That is likely caused by Selmak's departure from your body," Martouf explained to Jacob.

"So he just horked up a snake-shaped loogie? Gross!" Jack exclaimed, unable to resist making a joke. It was just begging to be laughed at.

Jacob grimaced. "When you put it that way it's just plain disgusting, Jack. And show some respect for Selmak, would you? She is not a 'snake-shaped loogie', she's a person," he ordered, indignant. He had grown close to Selmak during the time that they were blended. "How are they?" he asked, looking down at his daughter.

"Sam seems to be doing just fine, but without running tests I can't be completely sure," Janet informed him.

"If Samantha is well it is reasonable to assume that Selmak is also well," Martouf reminded them. "If the blending did not work Selmak would have either left her, or they would have both died."

"Martouf." The sound of a dual-toned voice from Sam's bed startled the four people.

Martouf moved to Sam's bedside. "Selmak. Are you both well?" he asked, concern for both host and symbiote written plainly on his face.

"We are, but she is fighting me. We must rest for a while and… sort out some differences, I believe is the phrase," she responded.

"Can I talk to Sam?" Jacob asked. He found it weird to be using his voice instead of his mind to talk to Selmak.

Selmak closed her eyes and sighed. "That may not be the wisest idea right now, Jacob. She is very angry; I doubt that anything beneficial would come out of a conversation. Let us rest. We will seek you out when she is ready to speak with you," she replied. "Please, allow us to be alone for a while," she requested quietly.

Jacob, Martouf, Janet, and General Hammond nodded and headed out of the room. Jack stayed behind for a minute. "Carter I know you can hear me, even if Selmak's in charge. I had no idea what your dad was planning… I'm sorry," he said, looking into her eyes.

Selmak smiled. "She knows, and she does not hold it against you. I doubt that she could, even if she wished to," she added.

Jack shook his head in confusion, wondering what Selmak was trying to say. "I guess I'll let you two rest. Carter, call me if you need anything, okay?" he told her, then left the room.

Inside her head Sam was fuming. _'You Tok'ra are no different than the Goa'uld!'_ she fumed. _''We don't take unwilling hosts,' my ass!'_

The comment frustrated Selmak. _'I am not Goa'uld!' _she retorted._ 'The circumstances were different. I have never taken a host in such a way before, and the Tok'ra do not make a habit of doing this,' _she explained.

If Sam had control of her body she would have laughed. _'Really? Then would you care to explain to me how, in less than three years, I have been a host to not one, but two Tok'ra without my permission?'_ There was venom in her tone, mixed with hurt and angry feelings.

Selmak immediately felt sorry for the woman whose body she inhabited. _'I apologize for that. I did not mean to upset you like this, Samantha. Your father…'_

Sam cut her off. _'My father couldn't live with his own guilt, so he went against what I wanted. If I had wanted you in my head I would have made that decision when I first met the Tok'ra. Did you honestly think my thoughts on the matter would have changed so drastically?'_ she asked.

Selmak sighed inwardly. _'No, I did not think so. Your father insisted that I do this, and I honoured his request,'_ Selmak conceded. _'Against my better judgment, I should add.'_

_'For the oldest and wisest of the Tok'ra, you really should listen to that better judgement of yours. It would piss off less people,'_ Sam told the symbiote pointedly. After a short pause, Sam addressed Selmak again. _'I want my body back.'_

Selmak was concerned. _'Your body has not fully regained its strength yet. The effects of your concussion may make things difficult for you,' _Selmak pointed out cautiously.

_'I don't really care. If I lived with a tumour pushing on my brain, a concussion is like a walk in the park,'_ she pointed out. Selmak relented and released the body to Sam, who immediately got up and walked out of the infirmary.

_'We should really be resting,'_ Selmak pointed out. _'The process will go much faster if you are sleeping.'_

Sam ignored her and walked towards the commissary. _'I'm hungry. We both need food, and I'm not going to be able to sleep if my stomach is growling,'_ Sam replied as they entered the room. Silence fell as she made her way towards the food line. _'What are they staring at?'_ she wondered to herself as she got a tray of food. Spying the blue jell-o, she added it to her tray. Finally in front of the coffee machine, she felt Selmak groan. _'What?'_ she asked.

_'Must you drink that? It is a vile beverage!' _ Selmak told her as Sam poured a cup of coffee.

"Oh, I am _so_ not giving up coffee for you!" she muttered, not realizing that she was speaking out loud. The silence broke and the various personnel in the room began whispering to one another. Shrugging her shoulders, Sam sat down at the nearest empty table and began eating.

Jack walked into the commissary, intent on getting something to eat, and noticed the hushed whispers and pointed looks towards one table. Looking over, he saw a familiar blonde wearing all-too-familiar infirmary clothes. He quickly went over to her and tapped her on the shoulder. "I thought you were supposed to be resting," he commented, sliding into the seat across from her.

She sighed. "I didn't feel like lying around with a growling stomach, sir. And spare me the lecture, I've gotten it already from Selmak," she noted with a grimace.

Jack nodded. "So… how are you feeling? Better?" he asked. She glared at him, and he sighed. "Yeah, stupid question. Just worried about you, that's all," he told her. He was exuberant that she was up and moving, but had to withhold from acting on the urge to wring Jacob's neck. Of all people, Jacob should have known that his daughter wouldn't want another Tok'ra in her head. But then again, Jacob hadn't been there to see the aftermath of the incident with Jolinar. As his thoughts wandered to Jolinar, he realized something. "Has someone ever hosted two different Tok'ra?" he asked, worried about the implications.

_'May I speak?'_ Selmak asked, not wanting to intrude if she was unwelcome. Sam allowed Selmak to have control, and their head dipped. "Seldom, and never for this purpose," she informed Jack in a dual-tone voice. "It has only ever occurred when a symbiote with vital information perishes, and the host is too badly injured to tell the council. In my lifetime, this has only occurred three times," Selmak informed him.

It always creeped him out when the Tok'ra spoke like that. He noted, however, that there was a difference in the way that Selmak sounded, compared to Jolinar. "And the symbiote goes back to the former host?" he asked quietly.

Selmak paused. "I have not heard of such a circumstance. When such situations arise, it is typically a Tok'ra whose host has little time left that is selected to blend with the former host," she explained.

_'Did my dad know this?'_ Sam asked worriedly.

_'He did not ask,'_ Selmak responded. _'He was more concerned with saving your life than the historical details. I believe I have answered O'Neill's question as fully as I am able. I will give you control.'_

Sam's head dropped then rose again. "That's all she knows, sir. I don't…" She cut off her words abruptly and clutched her head, grimacing in pain. Memories, clearly not hers, flashed rapidly through her mind. _'Was that you?'_ she asked Selmak.

"Sam?" Jack called worriedly, holding her arm. "You okay?"

Sam blinked. "Uh, I think so. Just dealing with someone else's memories, that's all," she explained, rubbing her eyes.

_'They were not mine, nor were they the memories of any previous hosts,'_ Selmak informed her.

Sam paused a moment, sipping her coffee as she tried to sort the images out. "Jolinar… she saw it happen once, when she was in her first host. It wasn't in a Tok'ra base, though. It was on a ship of some kind, and the symbiote tried to go back to its original host. It… it wasn't pretty, sir," she grimaced as she continued to piece things together.

Selmak was also reviewing the images. _'I heard rumours of this, but it was never confirmed. The symbiote in question is one of the few of us whose hosts had hosted more than one of us. The rumours stated that the host could not contain all of the information and…'_

_'It basically fried her brain,'_ Sam finished. _'Jolinar thought that it was the triple set of symbiote memories that did it, but she was told not to speculate. Why am I remembering all of this?'_ she asked suddenly.

Selmak felt chagrined. _'You must accept my apology. You have Jolinar's memories within you, and the opportunity to learn more of what had happened to her cannot be wasted. My probing those memories will make recollections more frequent,'_ Selmak explained. There was no duplicity that Sam could feel, more a firm tactical stance on the matter.

"Not pretty? That's very descriptive," he noted sarcastically. "So, is there any chance that Selmak's going to be a permanent resident?" he asked in a serious tone.

Sam was silent for a moment, presumably to confer with Selmak. "We don't think so, but she still needs time to gather up her strength. If she doesn't wait, leaving me could kill us both," she replied.

"How long are we talking about?" he asked. He was uncomfortable with the idea of having a constant presence while they were together, especially because everything that was said would (hopefully) end up being known by Jacob.

"No sooner than a week, perhaps longer. It depends on the physical demands placed upon us," Selmak's dual-toned voice replied. Jack's eyes widened, and Selmak sighed. "I apologize, that was rude of me to interrupt without permission. I believed that you were addressing me; among other Tok'ra we do not concern ourselves with being addressed directly, we simply allow whoever has a deeper understanding of the information to answer."

Sam's head nodded. "This is kind of awkward, isn't it?" she asked, yawning. Suddenly she felt very drained and needed to sleep. "Could you take me back to the infirmary? I really think I need some sleep," she told Jack quietly.

"Sure! The more rest, the sooner you're back to your old self again, right?" he said cheerfully, standing up. He really needed to talk to her but he didn't want someone, namely Selmak, overhearing the conversation. Sam stood up as well, and they headed back to the infirmary together.

When they entered the infirmary Sam noticed Janet pacing with agitation. "Where have you been?" the petite doctor asked angrily. "You should know better than to just walk out of the infirmary! What if something had gone wrong?"

Sam shrugged. "I was hungry, and I felt fine. Look, I came back as soon as I felt tired. Do you mind if I go lay down?" she asked.

Janet blinked, not used to Sam agreeing to be in the infirmary for any reason. "Of course, let me get you into bed," she offered, leading Sam back into the isolation room that she had been in. "But next time you want to leave the infirmary talk to me first, alright?"

Sam nodded. "Okay, I will," she replied, then drifted off to sleep.


	10. Commissary Conversations

A/N: A new record for me! This chapter is mostly fluff, but it gets me from point A to point B, so it works. Besides, the mood needed a bit of lightening. Enjoy, and please review!

When Sam woke up she felt better rested than she had in years. She stretched and sat up, aware once more of the presence inside her head. _'Good morning, Samantha,'_ Selmak greeted her. _'You are feeling much better today. Do you feel like having visitors?'_ the symbiote asked politely.

Sam didn't have to ask which visitor Selmak wanted to see. She could feel the Tok'ra's longing to see Jacob; Selmak missed him badly, and was not ashamed of the fact. _'I don't want to see my father,'_ she replied abruptly. Noticing the BDU's that had been placed on a chair by her bedside, she quickly got dressed.

_'I know why you have so many negative feelings about him right now, and they are completely unfounded,'_ Selmak informed her coolly.

Sam ran her fingers through her hair and grimaced. _'Maybe, but he has never given me the slightest reason to doubt those feelings. No excuse, no apology, nothing. He was always so cold after that,'_ she replied, tracking down Janet. "Janet, do you mind if I go to the commissary? I'll come right back when I'm done, if you want me to," she suggested.

Janet smiled. "If you have a minute, I'm sure there's someone here who would be happy to join you," she replied smoothly. At Sam's puzzled look she added, "Daniel is just finishing his post-mission check-up. SG-5 came back a short while ago."

Almost on cue, Daniel exited one of the curtains. "I'm all clear… Sam!" he exclaimed, running up to her and giving her a big hug. "How do you feel? I'm sorry I haven't seen you in a while, but General Hammond…"

He was cut off by Janet tapping his shoulder. "Daniel, let her breathe!" she told him, smiling.

Daniel quickly released her and, sure enough, Sam gasped. "Wow, Daniel. I didn't think you'd be _that_ excited to see me!" she replied with a grin. "See you later, Janet!" she called out over her shoulder as she and Daniel headed towards the commissary.

When they had settled in with their trays at a table, Daniel looked up at her. "So what happened? I heard you were brought here by ambulance," he stated, concerned for her health.

Sam thought back, but couldn't remember an ambulance ride. "I know I hit my head, but it's all kind of fuzzy after that. And then I woke up in the SGC. I guess there must have been an ambulance involved," she conceded, continuing to eat.

"And just like that, you're fine again?" he asked, confused.

Sam looked up at him, puzzled what he meant by that. "Of course. I mean, the whole snake in the head thing sucks, but I feel much better," she replied.

Daniel nearly choked on his food when she said that. "What?!" he asked, shocked.

"No one told you?" she asked, surprised. News, especially something as sensational as this, usually spread like wildfire among personnel. When Daniel shook his head, she grimaced. "Long story short, my dad made Selmak save me," she explained.

_'He made me do nothing. I care enough about him to want him to be happy,'_ Selmak amended to Sam.

Daniel looked intrigued by the idea. "So you have all of your dad's memories in your head?" he asked, fascinated.

Sam's eyes widened. She had seen flashes of memories from Selmak and her other hosts, as well as Jolinar's, but she had seen nothing of her father's. _'You're somehow keeping me from seeing them, aren't you?'_ she asked Selmak.

_'Yes. Just as I have attempted to see as few of your memories as possible. It is both difficult and tiring, but I do not want the situation between you and Jacob to become more strained once I am returned to Jacob's body,'_ Selmak explained.

Sam looked troubled. "What's wrong?" Daniel asked quietly. He wasn't used to the distant look in her eyes that she got when 'conversing' with Selmak.

She shook herself slightly. "Talking to Selmak. She's keeping me from seeing most of them so things aren't awkward," Sam explained. _'What could possibly make things more awkward than they already are?'_ she wondered to herself. Suddenly her mind was assaulted with an image.

_///Panic rising in his chest, he looked between he wife's legs again. "Sweetie, the baby's coming, hospital or no hospital," he told his wife, worry evident in his voice. _

_She panted and groaned. "There's no doctor!" she cried in the grips of another contraction. _

_"You need to push, sweetie. I can't drive with you like this, and we can get to the hospital once you've delivered the baby," he told her, trying to be calm. _

_She shook her sweat-covered forehead. "Can't… Jacob, I can't…" she groaned, but bore down anyway._

_He grinned. "The head's out," he told her, checking around the neck for the cord. "Okay, one more hard push," he told her. Her scream tore through the car as she pushed one last time. He caught the baby in a blanket from her overnight bag and quickly wrapped the newborn up in it. "It's a girl!" he exclaimed, placing the baby on his love's chest. He watched with contentment as she smiled down on the little bundle. "Hello, Samantha" she greeted the newborn. He had never been happier in his life. ///_

"Oh, yuck!" she exclaimed, blinking a few times.

"What?" Daniel asked, thoroughly confused. Sam had spaced out for a moment, a strange look on her face, and now was disgusted.

"Well, Selmak can't keep _all_ of my dad's memories out of my head. I just… I just saw myself get born. As in, Discovery Channel, Miracle of Life, full close-up, saw. That's just… eww," she told him. _'Please don't make me see that again,'_ she pleaded with Selmak.

_'I apologize. I did not mean for you to see that,'_ she replied.

Daniel grimaced. "Yeah, that's an unpleasant mental image. Glad I never saw… those parts… of my mother," he replied, blushing slightly. "So what does Jack think of this?"

"Think of what? Having Selmak in my head? He hasn't said much directly, but I don't think he's impressed by it. He apologized for it, even though he had no idea that dad was going to do that," she replied.

_'You're in love with him,'_ Selmak said with a smug tone. _'Jacob didn't believe me when I told him there was more between you two, but I was right!'_ She had noticed the longing looks they sent to each other when they wouldn't be seen, and had noticed the way that the two were happier when the other was around.

Sam bristled at the interjection. _'Am not!'_ she retorted quickly, blood rushing to her face.

If Selmak had been in control of the body they shared, she would have laughed. _'Samantha, you can't lie to me: I'm inside your head. I know what you're thinking, and what you're feeling. Your heart rate rises when he is mentioned; your pupils dilate when he walks in a room. Even when I had no access to your thoughts, I presumed that you had feelings for him,'_ she replied.

A familiar tingle ran through them, indicating another symbiote was present, and she turned towards the door. Martouf entered, in close conversation with Jacob. "I've got to go," she mumbled to Daniel, dropping her head.

Daniel noticed who she had seen, and surprised her by grabbing her wrist. "Don't you think that this is the perfect time to work things out between you two? I mean, Selmak has all of his memories and might be willing to play referee. You can't do this forever, Sam," he told her intensely.

_'He is quite an astute boy. Attractive, too,'_ Selmak noted, sounding almost playful at the end. More than a few of her previous hosts would have been quite enamoured by Daniel. One in particular…

"Selmak!" she hissed out loud, making the symbiote pause in her thoughts. _'That's just gross!'_ she added mentally. She sighed, noting the apologetic feelings coming from Selmak. "Sorry, she got lost in an inappropriate train of thought," she told Daniel, who had been quite startled by her outburst.

"She does that sometimes. Usually at the worst moments," she heard her father say behind her. "Mind if we sit down?"

"Go ahead," Daniel answered with a smile. "The more the merrier!" The glare he got from Sam told him that she was not happy about this. Martouf sat next to Sam, while Jacob took the spot across from her.

Sam sat staring at her food for a long while before anything else was said. "I'm glad you're feeling better," Jacob said quietly.

Sam glared at him. "I don't want to talk to you," she replied coldly. Jacob's eyes dropped to the table. Inside her, Selmak seemed despondent. She had never been unable to speak with Jacob since she had met him, and she missed the Tau'ri greatly. Sam squirmed slightly, feeling Selmak's discomfort. "Dad," she began unsteadily, Jacob's eyes lifting hopefully, "Selmak misses you. I'm going to let you two talk for a while, okay?"

Without waiting for a response her head nodded, then a grin broke out on her face. "Jacob! I have missed you!" Selmak told him, quickly taking the coffee from Sam's tray and placing it away from her.

"Same here. It's so quiet in my head without you there!" he responded with a sad smile. "So how are you doing in there?" he asked.

She smiled. "We still have our differences, but I think that we are gaining an understanding of each other." She paused for a moment before adding, "It's nice to have breasts again."

_'Selmak!'_ Sam shouted, mortified by the comment.

Martouf, by virtue of Tok'ra-enhanced reflexes, narrowly missed the coffee that sprayed out of Daniel's mouth. Jacob turned several shades of red. "Please, _never_ refer to those parts of my daughter… never!" he told her, embarrassed by the comment.

She paused, noticing that Daniel was mopping up the coffee he had spat out and apologizing profusely, realizing belatedly the effect that her comment would have had. "I'm sorry. You are the first male host I have had, and while it was an interesting change, I am far more accustomed to female anatomy," she told him.

It was Lantash who spoke next. "I have had a similar experience. It is quite odd to be in a host whose gender differs from your usual preference. Not to mention the awkwardness if you have a mate. Jolinar was much put out when I returned from a mission in a female host," he noted in a conversational tone.

Daniel, finally finished with his clean-up, looked puzzled. "So what happens between mates if that situation comes up?" he asked.

"We let the hosts decide if they are comfortable with the idea of pursuing a romantic relationship," Lantash replied. "If the hosts are not amenable, a close friendship usually replaces the romance," he added.

Jacob's interest seemed piqued. "So what did Jolinar do?" he asked. It was unusual for Martouf/Lantash to bring her up, and he felt that it would be good for them to keep talking. Not to mention, it was an interesting topic.

"She and her host agreed, but mine did not," he informed the group. "It was both a sad and happy day when circumstances allowed Jolinar and I to be together again," he said, a wistful smile on his face. Glancing at Daniel, the blond man's head nodded. "Before you ask, that is a tale for another time," Martouf told him sombrely.

"Jacob, can we speak privately?" Selmak asked quietly. Jacob nodded and the two headed out of the commissary. "I wish to 'butt heads' with your daughter regarding you. May I show her what you showed me in the infirmary?" she asked, getting straight to the point.

Jacob was stunned. "I… I don't know, Selmak. The Air Force might not like it; it's classified," he told her. He wanted Sam to know, but didn't want her to get into any trouble for it.

"Perhaps we should discuss the matter with General Hammond," Selmak suggested. "He can be quite wise in such matters."

Jacob nodded. "And he knows exactly which strings to pull, if he needs to. Yeah, let's go see George," he agreed, and they began heading towards General Hammond's office.

A/N: I'm considering doing a side piece about Lantash and Jolinar, based on the conversation earlier in the chapter. Let me know what you think! points to little button on left


	11. Getting Clearance

A/N: Sorry that this took so long to write. My son has the chicken pox and hasn't given me much time to be writing. I've decided that I will do the Lantash/Jolinar piece, but I won't post any of it until I'm done with this story.

When General Hammond opened his office door, he was surprised by the people standing outside. "Hello, George. Selmak and I need to talk with you," Jacob told him, getting straight down to business.

"Of course, please come in," he replied. Sitting down in his chair, he mentally prepared himself for a bombshell. "What can I help you with?" he asked.

Jacob looked uncomfortable, so Selmak spoke instead. "You are aware of Samantha's last battle with cancer when she was seventeen. We wish to disclose to her the circumstances that prevented Jacob from being with her," she informed him.

General Hammond had to force himself not to shudder at the dual-tone voice coming from Samantha Carter's mouth; the last time he had heard it was when she had been host to Jolinar, and those were not pleasant memories for him. Forcing himself to focus on the current topic, he gave the two a confused look. "I thought that hosts were aware of all of the previous host's memories. Shouldn't she already know that?" he asked.

"I am keeping most of Jacob's memories from her. It can be done, but it is very difficult. Jacob is concerned that she will be disciplined by your Air Force for having classified information," Selmak explained.

General Hammond nodded his understanding. "I don't think there is a regulation that covers this, Jake," he admitted quietly. "What does Major Carter think of this?" he asked, painfully aware that the situation would be creating a strain on her, and that she hadn't spoken yet.

_'Tell him that frankly, I don't give a shit what my father was doing. He can rot in hell for all I care,'_ Sam replied. She had forgiven his part in her mother's death long ago, but this was a completely different situation. She had buried the memories years ago, essentially putting herself in denial, but always remembered them when she was dealing with the disease in any way.

Selmak paused for a moment, contemplating what to say. "Her exact thoughts on the subject are too inappropriate to be repeated. Essentially, she wishes to have nothing to do with her father, and does not care to have that knowledge," Selmak replied.  
Jacob visibly winced, knowing that what Sam had told Selmak would have been a great deal more hurtful than what was actually said. General Hammond realized this as well. "I could be completely off here, but is this going to be some sort of Tok'ra/daughter/father therapy and bonding session if you tell her?" he asked, leaning back in his chair.

"With any luck, something like that," Jacob replied with a wry smile.

General Hammond sighed. It was obvious that the two stubborn Carters needed something to help them see eye-to-eye, and hoped that Selmak would be able to do it. "Jake, I really don't know what to make of this. I don't think there should be a problem, but I'll make a few calls and get back to you on it," he told his long-time friend.

Jacob nodded. "That's all I'm asking for, George. Thanks," he told him, getting up from his chair. General Hammond shook his head in frustration when Jacob and Selmak walked out of the room. Would there ever be a slow day at the SGC?

As soon as they were in the hallway, Selmak leaned heavily against the wall. "Selmak, what's wrong?" Jacob asked, placing his hand on her shoulder.

She sighed. "It is getting more difficult to do this, Jacob. I do not think that I can keep her from seeing your memories for much longer," she confessed. "Nor can I stop myself from seeing hers. I am not accustomed to keeping this much private; a thought here and a memory there is simple, but I have never attempted anything of this magnitude," she added.

"I don't mind if she sees it. If the Air Force has a problem with her knowing, I'll take the fall. She didn't decide to do this, I did," he explained. There was no way that he was going to let Sam get into trouble because of some bureaucratic bullshit.

Selmak smiled sadly, shaking her head. "It's not just that memory, Jacob. If I can't keep this up, she will know _everything_ about you: happy times, indiscretions, classified, worst moments… absolutely everything," she explained. "She has already witnessed her own birth, and it disturbed her to see her mother in such a way. Do I need to be more explicit?"

Jacob blanched, for the first time realizing the entirety of the situation. "I get it, Selmak. Is there anything that can make this easier on you?" he asked, concerned for the closest friend he had ever had.

"I must rest, and allow Samantha to take control whenever possible. It's not a solution, Jacob. She is referring to it as a stop-gap measure, and doubts that it will work," Selmak replied.

Her head nodded, and Sam spoke. "She can't do this much longer, Dad. It's becoming too much of a strain on her," his daughter told him. "It's like she's trying to patch a Mothership with duct tape: it's not going to work for long." She grimaced, starting to feel the effects of Selmak's exhaustion. _'You realize you could kill us both if you try to keep this up, right?'_ she told Selmak honestly, beginning to realize the implications of the Tok'ra's actions.

"So what are we going to do about this?" Jacob asked, taking his hand off of her shoulder. He knew that there was only one solution to the problem, but didn't want to be the one to voice it.

Sam sighed. She was still angry about her father's actions when she was ill, both in the past and at the present, but was morally unable to allow herself to hurt Selmak. Other than going along with her father's poorly-planned idea, Selmak had been a very nice person. "We'll know everything about each other once Selmak's back in you," she warned. "Good, bad, and otherwise."

"I know. I'm okay with it if you are," Jacob replied gently.

There was nothing 'okay' about her father knowing all of her deepest secrets and feelings, in Sam's opinion, but there was no other option. _'Stop blocking yourself from seeing my memories,'_ she told Selmak. _'Dad wanted to wait until General Hammond looked into some technicalities to let me see some things, but this should take some of the pressure off,'_ she added.

_'Thank you'_ Selmak replied gratefully, releasing the block that keeping Sam's memories from her. While there was still some strain from keeping Jacob's memories away from Sam, there was immediate relief.

Sam sighed softly in relief. At Jacob's worried look, she smiled. "I've told her to access my memories. It took off some of the strain," she explained.

"Thank you for doing this," Jacob told her. The idea of her knowing everything about him was uncomfortable, but it was a necessary evil for all involved.

Sam's eyes narrowed. "Just remember one thing: I'm doing this for Selmak, not for you. I'm still pissed," she told him bluntly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

_'Samantha, be nice. There is no reason to be rude to Jacob. He could have died when I left him; he risked his life to save you. He deserves better than the way you are treating him,'_ Selmak scolded. She understood now, after seeing what Sam had gone through during her last bout of cancer, why she was so angry with Jacob, but she had a unique perspective of the situation. She knew that there had been no way for Jacob to be with his daughter, but Sam didn't.

"That's fine. You have every right to be pissed off at me, and I won't deny that. But I couldn't let you die. Not like that," he told her. He had known that she didn't want to be a host again, but ignored that fact so that she would live.

They were silent for a moment, both unsure of what, if anything, to say. It was Sam who broke the silence. "Let me know when General Hammond makes a decision," she told him, abruptly turning on her heel and walking away.

Unsure of where to go, she headed to the infirmary to check in with Janet. After a brief check-up, and a promise to return if anything felt the least bit wrong, she headed to her lab. It was the one place in the SGC where she felt her calmest: her 'doohickeys', as Jack called them, were far easier to deal with than people. There was always a reason that they did what they did, never influenced by 'feelings'. They did what they were programmed to do, and the puzzle was figuring out what exactly that was.

When she entered she noticed the dust that covered almost everything. The coffee pot was the only exception, and it had obviously been used: there was an almost-full pot, but she had no way of knowing how old it was. _'Jacob and Colonel O'Neill spoke in here. They were called to the infirmary before he could drink much of it,'_ Selmak informed her.

Silently thanking her for the information, Sam dumped it out and cleaned the coffee maker. Grabbing a clean cloth, she began cleaning the accumulated dust. She had almost finished when a hand on her shoulder startled her, Jumping, she turned around and noticed Jack standing behind her. "Oh! You really shouldn't sneak up on people like that!" she told him.

He smiled and replied, "Yeah, wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of your right hook." At her confused look, he shook his head. "Never mind. Heard you got the all clear from the doc," he said conversationally.

"Yeah. Aside from Selmak in here, I'm back to my old self again," she told him, putting the rag down. "How did you know where to find me?" she asked, leaning against a table.

"Like you said, you're pretty much back to your old self again. Where else would you be? It's a miracle that you and Daniel haven't starved to death fiddling around with doohickeys and rocks. The Air Force even gave the two of you coffee makers," he pointed out.

She laughed lightly. "Yeah, not exactly standard lab equipment, is it?" Some of her equipment cost thousands of dollars, making the military very worried about the effects of a simple spill. Some facilities had a liquid-free zone in all labs; the fact that hers had a coffee machine was a testament to just how effective they thought she was when caffeinated. She noticed that he was shifting on his feet, looking anywhere but at her. "What's wrong?" she asked. She briefly entertained the idea that it was just his knees, but thought better of it. He was definitely awkward about something.

"Nothing, Carter. Just… can we talk when we're alone?" he asked.

She looked around to see who else was there. "We are alone," she pointed out, then froze. "Oh, you mean Selmak! Of course we can, but I don't know exactly when that will be," she pointed out. She realized that she didn't know what to call him: Jack, or sir. Technically, she should be calling him sir because they were on-base, but it felt so right, so normal, to call him Jack. But then again, he was calling her Carter, even though she could clearly remember him calling her Sam. "Is this about, y'know, us?" she asked, feeling awkward.

"Yeah, it is. Like I said, we need to talk," he replied. It was apparent from the look on his face that he felt as awkward as she did. For a minute neither of them said anything, each looking around uncomfortably.

The silence was broken by footsteps in the hallway. They turned and saw Martouf stepping inside the lab. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?" he asked, noting the tension between the two.

"Nope, not at all," Jack replied, thankful that someone had broken the silence.

Martouf nodded and looked at Sam. "Jacob requested that I find you. He wanted me to tell you that General Hammond has given his assent, and to ask where he should meet you," he relayed. Neither he nor Lantash knew what the message meant, just that Jacob had emphasised its importance.

Sam sighed and closed her eyes. She had no desire to have her father's memories in her head, but knew that the alternative was worse. The strain on Selmak would have one of two outcomes: worst case scenario, it could kill the symbiote; best case scenario, she would be blended with Selmak for the rest of their foreseeable future. It was a constant strain on Selmak to hold this much back from her host, and she would not be able to regain enough strength to leave Sam if it continued.

'_We should go somewhere private and comfortable. I do not believe that you would wish to do this in public,'_ Selmak suggested in a light voice.

She nodded. "Tell Dad to meet me in my quarters. He knows where they are," she told Martouf.

Martouf turned and left, still confused. From the look on Jack's face, Martouf wasn't the only confused one. "What did the General agree to?" he asked.

She sighed again. "Something about my dad's memories and classified information, but I'm not completely sure. I think it's going to turn into some kind of counselling session for Dad and I, with Selmak refereeing," she replied, discomfort at the idea plainly written on her face. "Well, I guess I should get going."


	12. Jacob's Memories

A/N: Calling Jacob a Colonel during memory sequences in this chapter was deliberate. In "The Devil You Know" he is seen in Sam's memories with the bird insignia, not stars. Since the memory takes place shortly after, I figured he'd be the same rank.

When Sam arrived at her on-base quarters, Jacob was already waiting for her. Wordlessly, she opened the door and stepped inside. "So, the Air Force decided that you are cleared to know… well… everything," Jacob told her conversationally.

Sam sat down on her bed. "So, how do you want to do this? Tell me what happened, and then Selmak will let me see the details? Or should she just open all your memories up and let me sort through them?" she asked, tense. She knew that there would be a lot of things about her father that she didn't want to know, but realized from the look on his face that this was important to him.

Sam's head nodded as Selmak asserted herself. "I would prefer to release that one particular memory first and have you two discuss it. After that, she will hopefully be more amicable towards you, which should make it easier for both of you to deal with her having your memories," Selmak explained.

"Sounds like as good a plan as any," Jacob replied. Selmak had been around for over a thousand years and knew quite a lot about people. If that's what she thought was best, he was happy to agree to it.

Sam was getting nervous about the whole thing. She couldn't understand why they would need to discuss one particular memory before releasing the others, and was worried about the continued strain on Selmak.

'_You need not worry, Samantha. Very little time will pass as I allow you to live through this first memory, and I can bear this burden a while longer. I have survived torture at the hands of the System Lords and lived to tell the tale; a bit of mental fatigue is a mild annoyance in comparison,'_ Selmak assured her.

Sam could feel the deception in Selmak's words, and knew that this was more draining on Selmak than she was being told. However, Sam did agree that it would take a while, maybe a day, before the strain would become critical.

"So how does this work?" Jacob asked quietly, pulling the two out of their trains of thought.

"Her experience will be similar to the occasion when she used the memory recall device," Selmak explained. "She will relive the memory as if it were her own: thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations will all be experienced," Selmak explained. "While it is possible for me to simply allow her to access the memory, as I will do for the others, I believe that this memory should be viewed in such a way."

Jacob looked agitated. "Selmak, please don't do that to her. I wouldn't want her to go through that; it would be bad enough just seeing it…" his voice trailed off, clearly disturbed by the idea.

Sam became concerned as Jacob's face turned white and wanted to ask him what was wrong, but Selmak wouldn't release control to her. "I will not allow her to experience _all_ of the pain, Jacob. You must believe me when I say that. But I will not allow her to have _any_ doubt in her mind as to why you were not there for her," she explained. Jacob didn't reply, he simply placed his head in his hands.

'_What pain? Selmak, what are you two talking about?'_ Sam questioned, becoming increasingly agitated. What could have happened to make the two of them discuss it so cryptically?

'_You will know in a moment, Samantha. I warn you, it is not a pleasant memory. I will release control to you now. Let me know when you are ready,'_ Selmak instructed.

"Dad? Are you okay?" Sam asked.

Jacob lifted his head, anguish evident in his face. "As okay as I can be. This is just painful for me," he explained.

She nodded slowly, unsure of what could be so painful to him. "I'm ready," she stated, steeling herself for whatever images appeared. The last thing she heard before being consumed by the memory was Jacob saying, "No… you're not."

_

* * *

_

He had just landed at Osan Air Base, in the Republic of Korea. Stepping out of the plane, he immediately felt the hotter air around him and noticed that the sun was just rising here. "Great…" he mumbled to himself, "sent halfway around the world to do paperwork. Again." He had requested that he do some administrative work for a while; he didn't want to be leaving the country when he had to do the single dad thing. Obviously, he would need to be a bit more specific next time he requested something.

_The armistice with North Korea was fragile, and the Air Force had decided to station the 7__th__ AF at Osan to help keep the peace. He quickly headed towards the command compound to the pile of folders that inevitably awaited him._

_By the time that the sun set he was barely finished putting the files into some semblance of organization. Whoever had thought that fuel requisition forms should go with disciplinary forms was obviously off their rocker. Groaning, he stood up and stretched, jumping slightly as he heard a knock at the door. _

"_Colonel Carter?" a Vietnamese soldier asked uncertainly._

"_Yah, that's me," he replied, curious as to why someone was searching him out._

"_I have been sent to escort you to your quarters," the soldier informed him. _

_He nodded, the effects of jet lag beginning to hit him hard. "Well, escort away," he replied with a slight smile. He had been ordered to be friendly to these people, and was not going to get chewed out for not following such a simple order. He headed out the door, but hadn't taken two steps beyond it when he felt a cloth pressed against his nose and mouth. He struggled, but couldn't stop the need to breathe. When he did, the world began to fade into blackness, and he was distantly aware of slumping to the ground._

_When he woke up, he was in a small dark room with his hands tied behind his back. He shivered slightly, then became aware that he had on only his boxers. He tried to stand up, but found that his ankles had also been bound, and that someone had tied the ankle and wrist bindings together. With that bit of information the realization sunk in that wherever he was, it was not a good place to be. There wasn't enough light to see much, other than the fact that it was completely bare of furniture. There were scratch marks in the wall, presumably from former prisoners. _

_There was no doubt in his mind that this was a prison of some sort. The surroundings were effective for physical and mental torture. A door opened and two men walked in. "We have some questions for you, Colonel Carter," one of them said in heavily accented English. A sinking feeling grew in the pit of his stomach as the door closed heavily and they advanced towards him._

* * *

Her screams filled the air as she relieved the next three months of Jacob's life. His days and nights had been filled with pain; being cut, burned, deprived of food, electrocuted. Through the whole ordeal he revealed nothing, but had been tempted many times to simply tell them and make it all stop.

_

* * *

_

He had finally been rescued from his captivity and had spent some time in a military hospital recuperating from both the physical and mental trauma. On the day that he was being released a young nurse came up to him. "Sir, there is something that you need to know. Your daughter, Samantha, she's… been ill," she had informed him.

"_Ill… what do you mean?" he questioned, knowing from the look on her face that there was more to it than that. _

"_She's recuperating well, sir. She is in the paediatric oncology ward at the local hospital. You should have been told sooner, but your psychiatrists believed that you did not need to have any more stress than you already had," she explained._

_His jaw clenched angrily, fighting down the urge to yell at the nurse. He only managed to keep his temper in check by reminding himself that she was the only one who thought he would need to know. "You will arrange to have me taken there. Now." It was obvious by the tone of his voice that it was an order, not a request._

"_Yes, sir!" she replied with a sharp salute, before heading towards the nurses' station to make the arrangements. It had taken less than an hour for him to be standing outside his daughter's room at the hospital. Taking a deep breath, he walked in, his posture rigid. He was still sore, but didn't want her to see him as weakened. "Hey, kiddo," he said with a forced smile. _

_She looked up from the book she was reading, her eyes wide. "Dad… you're here…" She sounded surprised, and he didn't miss the hurt look in her eyes before she looked away. _

"_Sorry it took me so long to get here. Work, y'know?" he offered, knowing that he could never tell her why he wasn't there. _

_She looked back towards him, the hurt look replaced by a cold gaze. "It doesn't matter. I'm a big girl now, remember? You told me before you left that I can take care of myself; guess this proves it, doesn't it?" He could hear her barely restraining anger in her voice. "Mark's here, but he went to the cafeteria," she added conversationally._

_He knew his daughter well enough to recognize the not-so-subtle hint that she didn't really want to talk to him. "I'd rather spend some time with you, Sammie. It looks like we have a bit of catching up to do," he replied, eyes drawn to the white gauze around her head._

"_It was only brain surgery, Dad. Nothing important. I explained the whole thing in my letters," she told him, her anger coming closer to the surface. _

_He winced inwardly. No one had given him his mail after returning from Korea; if they had, he might have been more prepared for this. He longed to hug her, to tell her how sorry he was, and explain why he hadn't been there, but he couldn't. And he was pretty sure that the last thing she wanted from him was a hug. "There was a bit of a mix-up with the post office down there. I never got them," he admitted._

_Someone in the doorway cleared their throat. "Should I come back later?" a familiar voice asked._

_Sam smiled. "Hi, Uncle George! You're not interrupting anything," she told him. _

"_Hi, George," Jacob greeted his old friend. "Have you been taking care of my kids while I was gone?" he asked._

_George Hammond smiled. "Yes I have, Jake, even though they are pretty self-sufficient. It was more a formality than anything else. Sam, you mind if I borrow your father for a minute?" he asked._

"_You can keep him," she replied in a joking tone, but the hurt in her eyes made it obvious that she was serious. _

_He and George headed out to an empty room in the ward. "I heard what happened, Jake. You okay?" he asked, concern lining his face. _

_Jacob closed his eyes and sighed. "Yeah, George, I'll be fine. I get back from being tortured for three months, and now Sammie hates me. I don't blame her; she has every reason to be angry. Hell, if my father had done that to me I would be acting a lot worse… oh God, Mark's gonna kill me!" he exclaimed, leaning heavily against the wall. Mark was definitely his father's son, and Jacob could see the confrontation that was about to happen. "I let them down, George. I told them I wouldn't have to keep going away, and now this! What if she had died…" the last thought was little more than a whisper. He felt the tears building, thinking of all the outcomes his daughter's illness could have had. _

"_I know, Jacob," George told him, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder and a tissue into his hand. "It'll take some fixing, but she'll talk to you again. It might be strained, but it'll be there. Just let her take the lead," he advised._

_Jacob dried his slightly moist eyes. "Thanks, George. I trust your people skills and the kids seem to be able to tell you anything. Any advice about Mark?" he questioned._

"_Don't take a sidearm with you," came the serious reply. "He's really angry, Jake. I don't think you can fix this. He got a job and an apartment while you were gone. He's told me repeatedly that he wants nothing to do with you; he suggested a few times that it would be better if you were KIA, because that's the only excuse for your absence that he'll accept," George explained. "He's been there for Sam this whole time. If he's not sleeping or working, he's here with her. He's too much like you."_

_Jacob sighed. "I know he is. Well, I'd better get back to Sammie's room. I need to spend some time with her," he told his friend, patting him on the shoulder, and then headed back to Sam's room._

"_I'm back," he called out as he entered the room. He noticed that Mark had returned and was sitting next to Sam on the bed. "Hi Mark."_

_Mark stood up with clenched fists. "Don't you 'Hi Mark' me, Jacob!" he hissed angrily. "You think you can just waltz in here after the hard part of Sam's illness is over, and that everything would be okay?" he asked, his voice gaining volume. _

"_Mark…" George spoke, warningly. _

_Jacob raised his hand in a stopping gesture. "George, it's okay. He's angry, and it's his right to feel that way," he said, his eyes never leaving Mark's angry ones. _

_Mark laughed. "So now it's okay to have feelings? It never was before. Trying to act like a big man now, Jacob? Or are you hoping that acting reasonable will calm me down?" he asked. Jacob said nothing, trying not to feed the fire that his son was feeling. "Cat got your tongue? Let me tell you something: you don't deserve to have children. You screwed up big this time. Once Sam's out of here, you're not going to see me again. But I want to know what exactly was so important that you couldn't be here while Sam's skull was being cut open."_

_Jacob swallowed and closed his eyes, memories from his time in Korea assaulting him. "It's classified," he responded, his eyes still closed. He wasn't prepared for Mark punching him in the face. He groaned and grabbed his nose, feeling the wet sticky blood coming from it and hearing Sam yell her brother's name. He was also aware of heavy footfalls, likely Mark's, leaving the room, and someone handing him a wad of Kleenex. He pressed it to his nose, knowing that he deserved worse for failing his children again. _

* * *

When Sam became aware of her surroundings again, she realized that her father was holding her tightly and that her face was streaked with tears. "Dad…" she started and then trailed off, uncertain of what to say. "I'm so sorry, Dad. If I had known, I wouldn't have been mad at you for so long," she told him.

He nudged a box of Kleenex towards her and smiled. "I know, Sammie. I wish I could have told you, but… well, you know the Air Force," he commented ruefully.

Sam laughed, wiping her face with a Kleenex. She was about to say something, but was interrupted by klaxons blaring. "Unscheduled off-world activation!" Walter called over the PA system.

"Maybe we should head up there," Sam suggested, hoping to break the awkward moment. Jacob nodded his assent and they headed up to the control room.

Martouf was already there when they arrived, speaking to someone over the radio. "I apologise, Master Garshaw, but Selmak is unavailable at the moment. There has been a situation regarding Samantha and she and Jacob are rendering aid," he explained diplomatically.

'_This is not good,'_ Selmak told Sam, worry beginning to rise. _'We left in the middle of a briefing on a sensitive subject; I should have known that the council would attempt to recall us.'_

"What's going on?" Jacob asked quietly, the look on his face reflecting Selmak's emotions; Sam found it odd that even though they were no longer sharing a body that they were still so in tune with each other.

Unfortunately Jacob had spoken before the radio had released, and Garshaw had heard him. "Jacob, you must return to the base immediately. We are unable to complete our task without the information that you and Selmak have collected," she reminded him, and edge to her voice. It was clear that she was not impressed with their sudden departure.

Jacob motioned for Martouf to hand him the radio. "Look, Garshaw, I don't think that's a very good idea right now. The thing with Sam... well, it took some… um… drastic measures, shall we say. It's been a very trying time, and Selmak and I don't really feel like ourselves right now," he explained, shifting uncomfortably.

There was a pause, presumably as Garshaw tried to figure out what it was that Jacob was trying to say. "Selmak, kree!" was the irritated response, leaving no room for debate.

'_Jacob and I will be 'dressed down', as you would put it, for our actions. They may insist on punitive measures,'_ Selmak warned her.

Sam sighed. "You two are going to be in trouble whether you answer her or not. I really think Selmak should answer her. She's going to find out eventually," Sam pointed out, taking the radio from her father.

Her head dipped as she gave control to Selmak. "I realize that it is imperative that I return with Jacob, but I think you must be made aware of something first," Selmak warned over the radio.

"Who is this?" Confusion and frustration coloured Garshaw's tone.

"It is I, Selmak… hosted by Samantha Carter."


End file.
